So You Want To Be A Freelancer

Illustrated by Lindsay Hattrick

Here are some of the perks!

Freelance work gets a bad rap. When someone says, "I'm a freelancer," you probably imagine some sad, greasy weirdo sitting on a bean bag in an otherwise empty apartment in some random part of the country no one has ever heard of, having not left the building for 12 days, typing on their 2015 laptop which does not function unless it is plugged in. Freelance is actually so much more than that (but also every word of that)! In fact, there are many underappreciated perks to the work-from-home lifestyle. Here are some.

You never have to clock in. You never have to clock out, either. In fact, you spend 100 percent of your waking life in a weird, in-between place, desperate to make your time count for something while also feeling pressured to appreciate the fact that you don't have to ever see sunshine. Best of both worlds.

Sweatpants are your uniform. You'll wear them 45-, 98-, sometimes even 124-hours straight—not because you want to, but because all your jeans mysteriously have holes in the crotch. Why? One of life's great mysteries! So cozy.

Your mom will buy you pants. Mom only needs to hear that all your jeans have holes in the crotch a few times before she sends you a Gap gift card "just in case you get an interview somewhere," LOL.

Fifty dollars starts to sound like a shit-ton of money. That's, like, a week's worth of work! With that kind of money you could buy instant yeast and flour and make your own bread for a month.

You'll make a lot of bread. It will start as a money-saving exercise and eventually turn into something you mildly enjoy, if only as an excuse to stop looking at your laptop screen for a while. BTW, when will the gig economy catch up to support amateur bread baking entrepreneurs who are willing to sell and deliver their loaves through an app for pennies more than it takes to produce them?

You'll get plenty of alone time. There's no boss breathing down your neck. There are no annoying coworkers who want to talk to you or get coffee or ask if there's anything they can help you with. You often don't notice it's the weekend, and miss your chance to spend time with friends or family. You'll forget how to string sentences together in conversation, and when you are actually in the presence of another human, you'll end up saying things like, "What's abouts you?"

Casual socialization will feel glamorous. Is this a Hollywood movie premiere? An elegant soirée? The line to buy 7/11 hotdog? All of the above? All you know is there's bright lights, a bunch of people, and that you're wearing your fabulous new Gap chinos.

There are no rules. You can wake up at 10pm and start work at midnight. You can work standing up, lying down, or sitting on the toilet. You can say things that would normally make you unemployable, like, "I just barfed in my mouth a little," and "all the feels." Who cares? No one cares. Literally, no one has any reason to care about you.

Your job will never be taken by robots. Why would a robot want any of this?
Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video)

Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.