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How To Be A Good Ex After A Breakup

Culture
Illustrated by Jihyang Lim

Or how to break up better

To stay friends after a breakup, or what? That is the question we all grapple with following the ending of a romantic relationship. Sometimes the answer is clear because you and your ex are better off friends anyway. Sometimes it's not because even though you may genuinely still love and care for your ex, remaining in contact with them can leave you with more heartache than good. The same can be said for your ex: You may feel okay following the breakup, but your presence in their life may be too much to handle. There is no be-all and end-all rulebook for these type of things; the only truth of the matter is time and distance heal, the rest is subjective to you and your relationship. Guidelines, though, are beneficial in getting you and your ex on a path to healthy healing and, perhaps, reconciliation. Here, Jean Fitzpatrick, a relationship therapist based in Manhattan, lays it out. Breakups are hard, but that doesn't mean they have to be ungraceful.

What do you suggest one do immediately following a breakup?
Be gentle with yourself.  Reach out to friends and family and let them know you need support. Even if you initiated the breakup, your life is about to change drastically. Your daily routine and your inner world are missing someone who has been important to you. You're grieving; trust your process and resist the urge to second-guess. Instead, focus on activities that help you manage the inevitable anxiety: working out, walks in nature, mindfulness training, yoga, and let yourself cry.

With social media's omnipresence, it's difficult to truly avoid your ex without resorting to unfollowing. What advice do you have for fighting the urge to lurk on social media? Can "checking in" like that be healthy?

Often people do unfollow their ex. One reason social media makes a breakup extra painful is that they bring you into your ex's life in an up-close and personal way. You don't just risk running into him or her on the street. Instead, a photo of his smiling face at a party or on the beach pops up in your newsfeed while you're sipping your morning coffee in your bathrobe. It's tough to have someone disappear totally from your life when they were once important. Consider scheduling a weekly social media check-in rather than keeping Instagram open all day.

Who, ideally, should be the first to initiate conversation again following a breakup? The one who did the breaking up or the one who got broken up with?
If they broke up with you, reaching out may be perceived as an attempt to revive the relationship. If you do decide to do that, be sure to be clear about your motives—with your ex and with yourself.

If exes do decide to work on being friends, how do you suggest they go about maintaining an open and honest conversation?
It's not unusual for exes to find that easier to do after a breakup because they tend to take things less personally and are not looking to their ex to meet their needs. Realistically, they may or may not want to be totally open with each other as they start dating and move onto other relationships. They may connect as colleagues or friends.

Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube www.youtube.com

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FROM THE WORLD WIDE WEB
Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

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Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale youtu.be

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video) www.youtube.com

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Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.

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