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Fiona Apple Just Released Our Favorite Christmas Song Of The Year

Music
Photo by Karl Walter/Getty Images

Instant dystopic classic

We're big fans of both Fiona Apple and holiday music, so imagine how delighted we were to discover that Fiona Apple has just released a new holiday song. Very! We were very delighted. But we were even more delighted when we heard the song because it's not simply about roasting chestnuts; rather, it's all about roasting Donald Trump—and his nuts. (Ew.)

Apple put the song, titled "The Christmas Song - Trump's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire," up on her Tumblr yesterday, and it's a riff off of Nat King Cole's classic "The Christmas Song." Apple changed the lyrics to the original so that it morphs into a dystopic holiday tune. She references Trump's racism, entitlement, and whole "creepy uncle" aura, and ends with an emphatic "fuck you" directed right toward the President-elect himself. Count the L.A.-based Apple as one of the many New York City natives (and millions upon millions of Americans) who just can't stand the man. 

Read Apple's full song lyrics and listen to the song below. And, you know, feel grateful to be able to add this to your holiday party playlist. We definitely will. 

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
as he keeps nipping at his foes.
you’ll cry creepy uncle 
every time he arrives
for he keeps clawing at your clothes
everybody knows some money and entitlement
can help to make the season white
mothers of color with their kids out of sight
will find it hard to sleep at night.

They know that truuump is on his way.
he’s got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh
and every working man is going to cry
when they learn that Letch don’t care how you live or if you die

Sooo I’m offering this simple phrase
to kids from 1 to 92
although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you

Listen to the full song here.

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