what your favorite fitness trend says about you
(so, so much)
by yasmeen gharnit + rebecca deczynski
You chuckle when those around you say they "don't work out," but mostly you feel bad for them—they don't have the same endorphins pulsating through their veins; they simply don't know what they're missing. But beyond that, you know one very important thing: Exercise has changed you, made you grow into (what you imagine to be) a fully formed person. But what exactly is your idea of success, and what does your go-to fitness trend say about you? Click through the gallery and gain more insight than you would in one aqua cycle class.
Health GothYou came out of the womb a tad angsty, but mostly apathetic. At your 3rd birthday party, you had your first existential crisis: What even is the point of it all? you thought. And you've made sure to ask yourself that question every night before you go to sleep—but not until you put on your mesh neoprene two-piece and post a Nike-fueled pic to Instagram.
CrossFitYou laugh in the face of mediocrity—and people who don't even lift. Why would you ever confine yourself to a cardio routine or a strength workout when you can do both in the form of a perfectly cool-sounding name brand fitness regime? "Oh, this one time at CrossFit," you'll tell your friends, knowing that they will gasp in complete awe of your otherworldly level of fitness. CrossFit? So intense. We must bow down to you, Supreme Fitness Guru.
YogaThis one time Dawn from book club told you that Gwyneth Paltrow wakes up before sunrise to do yoga and since then you have been hooked. The day is simply not complete until you do at least five sun salutations and guzzle down a freshly pressed cayenne-kale-wheatgrass juice. You're already planning a summer getaway to India where you just know you'll really find yourself and then you will become the most enlightened of all your friends—even Dawn. Until then you'll just have to keep practicing some heart chakra-opening poses. Namaste.
BoxingYou're a woman of routine: Every morning, you wake to the sound of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." You rise from your bed like a champion, throwing a few jabs here and then, for good measure, a few uppercuts. You throw up your grey hoodie as you walk to the bathroom, eyes fixated on your blender. After consuming three raw egg yolks, you let out a growl. You're a champion. And don't you ever forget it.
CyclingIt is not a cult , you tell yourself. It's a way of life. You close your eyes as your instructor-slash-life-coach tells you to up the resistance. You're nearing a hill—and a steep one, at that. You are no longer in a room filled with sweaty women, you're on a white sand beach, the sun pulsating on your SPF-shielded skin. You take a deep breath, a sip of your lemon-infused water, and keep pushing through.
TrampolineYou have the reflexes of a jack rabbit and your heart consistently operates as if you just downed eight espresso shots. But no matter how hard you try, you'll never out-do your 60-year-old instructor. And you find comfort in that.
BarreYou delicately roll your rubber-bottom socks on your feet. You smooth your breathable tank over your waist, grab your aluminum water bottle, and head to the bar. You remain quiet, focused the entire class—and in life itself—pursing your lips every hundred flutters. After a lovely class, you reach into your Stella McCartney for Adidas duffel and remove one Karlie's Kookie. You break off a piece and place it on your tongue. You think about how controlled and disciplined you've become. Without those things, you now know, you'd simply float in a sea of entropy.
Online Classes"It's like Netflix but good for you," you told all your friends when you first got your online subscription to some fitness videos. You had convinced yourself that your binge-watching tendencies would extend to workout videos but now you're having some second thoughts. You put on a cute sports bra and yoga pants to get yourself to do the latest booty-sculpting, ab-blasting Zumba video but first you need to check Twitter and Facebook and your online dating profile and your cousin's blog and...
