How To Talk To People Who Disagree With You

If you’ve ever been on the internet (and it’s clear you have, because you’re reading this, hi!), you’ve undoubtedly encountered the term “liberal bubble.” If you somehow haven’t, it’s a concept oft-touted by conservatives which suggests that people with liberal leanings usually surround themselves with those who hold similar opinions to them, making our conversations become an echo chamber of sorts. This is, of course, not exclusive to progressive thinkers: It’s become significantly easier to surround yourself with people with whom you already agree with, confirmation bias knows no political orientation.

Think about your own social media platforms—who your Facebook friends are, who you follow on Instagram and Twitter. You probably share a lot of opinions with most, if not all, of them. And while this is fine to an extent (because some things, like bigotry and hatred, are non-negotiable), becoming comfortable in an ideological vacuum can cause consequences. If you’re used to everyone agreeing with you all the time, it becomes difficult to have a productive conversation with someone who disagrees. And with the bridge between people of opposing views crumbling, this makes it even harder for us to find common ground. 

But finding common ground is easier said than done, obviously, though it's still worth a try. Just ask the many activists and public speakers who are making a tremendous effort to promote mutual understanding and to bring light to marginalized identities. We spoke to five such activists, who are all doing amazing work to bring visibility to groups who are all-too-often sidelined and whose viewpoints are often ignored. Here, they open up about the power of empathy and safe environments to foster open dialogue. 

They're all also part of an incredible lineup of speakers at the inaugural Fresh: Live conference on June 5 in New York City. If you're in the area, cancel all your plans stat so you can attend—tickets are available here. 

JAMIA WILSON

What do you think is important about trying to understand viewpoints other than your own?

Deeply listening and being curious about diverse perspectives fosters empathy, compassion, and, in most cases, creates opportunities to build bridges instead of walls. It's essential for us to expose ourselves to new ideas to affirm the values that we care about, and to disrupt narratives and patterns that we've outgrown or learned to understand with more nuance and depth. The more I open myself up to engaging in conversations and engagements outside of my comfort zone, [the more] I find opportunities to connect with people who have insights that challenge me to expand my mind and most often my heart. We all benefit when we listen deeply—even if we ultimately conclude that we disagree. 

The world we live in is increasingly divided (especially on social media), which means that for most, the only opinions we hear are ones that line up with our own thoughts. How might you suggest we open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own, and how can we have productive discussions with people who think differently than us?

The practice of truly hearing someone else is profoundly powerful and an affirmation of both parties' humanity. Information is always powerful and educational whether we decide to receive it, learn from it, internalize it, or let it go. I am always open to fresh insights and feedback as long as it is delivered with respect for my humanity and dignity, but I do wholeheartedly reject anyone who disrespects or promotes harm toward my humanity, community, energy, or listening ear. My time on this earth is limited, so I aim to prioritize it for people who are invested in creating solutions, building bridges, and dismantling walls.

How can people who identify with a marginalized community actively work to gain recognition and visibility in their own lives?

I believe that if we don't define ourselves, someone else will. It's important for us to have a critical understanding of who we are outside of external pressures to contort ourselves into someone else's narrow vision of who we are or what we can be. I spend a lot of time thinking about my core values, and how I want my actions, words, creative expression, relationships, and work to reflect those virtues.

JACKSON BIRD

What do you think is important about trying to understand viewpoints other than your own?

I've had so many conversations in which people were shocked to hear about things that I encounter every day as a transgender person. Whenever I see the surprise on someone's face in response to me, for example, telling them the fear I have while TSA agents debate whether to press the man button or the woman button on the backscatter when they see me (many people don't even know these buttons exist!), I'm reminded of how many things I must be unaware of that people different from me face every day. Listening to what others different from ourselves have to say, about how they experience the world, gives us valuable insight into how we can work toward solutions that work for everyone—not just for people like ourselves.

The world we live in is increasingly divided (especially on social media), which means that for most, the only opinions we hear are ones that line up with our own thoughts. How might you suggest we open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own, and how can we have productive discussions with people who think differently than us?

I think it's crucial that people make a concerted effort to follow people beyond their filter bubble on social media. Follow people who don't look like you. Follow people with different skill sets. Follow people with different ideologies. Follow queer people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, people of many different ethnicities and nationalities. Just reading their day-to-day thoughts, in addition to witnessing their bigger moments, will give you an insight into worlds you didn't even know existed. It'll help you understand where people are coming from when they do or say something you might initially push back on. 

As far as having productive discussions, don't try to make it a debate. Don't go into it trying to win them over to your side. Just listen to each other. Try to understand where you're both coming from and what experiences you've had that might impact why you feel the way you do. Find points of commonality, no matter how superficial—or, at least, respect your differences. Of course, it's tougher and tougher to do this when both sides of the political spectrum keep getting more and more personal. Could I sit down in a room with an avowed hater of trans people, like in that Heineken ad, and have a productive conversation? I don't know. Honestly, that commercial terrified me. I wouldn't want to be tricked into that conversation, that's for sure. It's one thing to talk about how to view other people complexly and give them the benefit of the doubt, but quite another to do it in practice.  

How can people who identify with a marginalized community actively work to gain recognition and visibility in their own lives?

We can keep working to tell our stories and share our truths, but I think it's more on the other people to let us in. Speaking from a transgender perspective, we're here. We're working very hard to make sure people understand our needs, our challenges, and our ambitions. There's only so much we can do when companies won't hire us, when the media sensationalizes us, when friends and family refuse to listen. A little empathy goes a long way. 

ELLE HEARNS

What do you think is important about trying to understand viewpoints other than your own?

To ensure that your views are a true reflection of what you believe and what it is that you understand. The world is full of experiences, realities, and history. It would be naive and asinine to believe that only your viewpoints are valid, which is why I always make space for the possibility that someone who looks different might have something valuable to offer the world and just possibly me, especially if it pertains to capitalism and hierarchies.

The world we live in is increasingly divided (especially on social media), which means that for most, the only opinions we hear are ones that line up with our own thoughts. How might you suggest we open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own, and how can we have productive discussions with people who think differently than us? 

I think it’s important to be cautious of what conversations and opinions we are opening ourselves up to. I believe in healing and restoration, so anything that challenges one's ability to be whole within themselves is not something I would ever advise anyone to be open to. However, conversations and opinions that allow space for everyone to enter with offerings are essential to the building of community. I think one way we can definitely open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own is to engage with someone outside of social media. I spark up conversations daily with strangers and welcome their perspectives without a rebuttal or an opinion of my own as a way to discipline myself in listening and understanding. Another way is to join a club or organization where many people have different views and are willing to debate with love. It’s always important in any conversation to respectfully agree to listen and not over talk one another to ensure a productive dialogue.

How can people who identify with a marginalized community actively work to gain recognition and visibility in their own lives?

Understanding your worth will ensure that you understand that you belong to you and God first, before anyone else. Recognition and visibility are beautiful to have from others, but it is even more beautiful when you're able to recognize yourself and the bigger picture that you see for your life through your eyes and not anyone else’s.

BRITTNEY COOPER

What do you think is important about trying to understand viewpoints other than your own?

Empathy is the prerequisite to both hearing and valuing perspectives other than your own, but we have a well-documented racial empathy gap and gender empathy gap in this country. People don’t empathize with black folks and racialized others. People don’t listen to and empathize with women.

The world we live in is increasingly divided (especially on social media), which means that for most, the only opinions we hear are ones that line up with our own thoughts. How might you suggest we open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own, and how can we have productive discussions with people who think differently than us?

It’s not simply enough to listen to sides different from your own. Those with more power and privilege need to commit to a radical posture of listening more than speaking. White people need to listen. Men need to listen. Straight people need to listen. 

How can people who identify with a marginalized community actively work to gain recognition and visibility in their own lives?

People who occupy marginal identities have always been speaking, but often we feel like we are screaming into the wind. Folks have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable with being challenged. This is the only way true growth happens.

LINDA SARSOUR

What do you think is important about trying to understand viewpoints other than your own?

I think it's important to understand the viewpoints of others, but this does not mean that we have to agree. Our viewpoints come from a combination of experience, levels of knowledge, and our identities. Viewpoints are opinions, and opinions are not fact, and we should hold space for different viewpoints respectfully. 

The world we live in is increasingly divided (especially on social media), which means that for most, the only opinions we hear are ones that line up with our own thoughts. How might you suggest we open ourselves up to hearing opinions other than our own, and how can we have productive discussions with people who think differently than us

Social media is an isolationist platform. It creates echo chambers and sides. We need to get off social media sometimes and have in-person conversations. When I have spoken to people in real life, it has been very productive and respectful. I may still not agree but can at least see the humanity in the other. Social media does not encourage open, honest, and nuanced conversations and has divided us further.