As Gwyneth Paltrow, high priestess of all that is artisanal, is leaving New York City for good—its pungent subway breezes and abundance of dollar pizza grease likely threatening to throw her wholesome lifestyle off-kilter—a little bit of the goop Goddess herself has hit the real estate market, in the form of the actress’ luxe Tribeca apartment. And oh, it is the goopiest.
With interiors by Roman and Williams—the design team behind the goop MRKT pop-up, the residence is impossibly lofty, favoring not an all-white palette with a contemporary look (how gauche!), but rather one comprised of “light delicate whites, palest lavenders, grays, silvers, and embroidery details.” It is an airy place where Paltrow may reside in peace on her living room swing (crafted from an antique Indian door and topped with a cascade of silk pillows) and whisper to herself, “How did I survive starring in that Wes Anderson film, what with its saturated color palette and all?”
An apartment tour posted by goop shows the apartment’s foyer, living room, and kitchen, but leaves out any bathrooms (likely featuring crystalline bidets, no doubt) and bedrooms, which we might assume are comprised of cloud-like king beds with sprawling white sheets of 10,000-thread-count small-batch Egyptian cotton—or maybe just a single, cozy cocoon, into which Paltrow may retreat, slumber, and awake, metamorphosing into a rare, yet elegant butterfly each and every dawn.
Many mysteries remain—but for now, we will cherish the few glimpses we have of Gwyneth’s former abode.