Hot Dads And Sex Idiots: On The Enduring Appeal Of Kevin Kline

Photo from MGM

The Objects of Our Obsession

We all had them, those all-consuming crushes that took over our teenage lives. In our series The Objects of Our Obsession, writers explore the deeper meanings behind those fixations, and pay tribute to the people who we found totally crush-worthy.

I was a weird kid who wanted to be an adult, and my parents didn't do anything to help with this. Starting from when I was maybe 10 years old or so, I had a huge crush on 1980s- and 1990s-era Kevin Kline, a crush that probably originated from the fact that one of my parents' favorite movies was A Fish Called Wanda. Almost 10 years after it came out, my parents still loved this movie, and for reasons beyond my understanding, decided it was appropriate to watch with their 10- or 11-year-old kid—maybe they were just tired, and wanted to watch a silly movie they liked, and not think much about it, is what seems likely now. But anyway, I became obsessed with the film and made my parents watch it over and over with me, probably because I had a giant crush that I didn’t understand on Kline.

A Fish Called Wanda is a weird, maybe terrible, profoundly silly, British sex farce made by the Monty Python dudes that also randomly includes Kline and Jamie Lee Curtis. Kline plays Otto, a truly world-class sex idiot who is vaguely some kind of professional murderer but mostly spends the movie having weird, farcical sex and being bad at everything. A horrible thing I've realized in adulthood is that the quality shared by most characters I loved in the pre-online media era, is that, despite the absence of the internet, they are all still extremely online—and Kline's Otto is incredibly online. He's the "while you were partying I studied the blade" meme combined with a rose-emoji dude hitting on girls by means of incorrect Nietzsche quotes. I love him so much. Kline is brilliant in this role in the way only a really great, serious actor can be brilliant playing a very stupid person. His joy in it is actively palpable; it's like two hours of watching someone tell a joke they love telling. 

This movie was the beginning of a crush on Kline that I didn’t understand was a crush, but it developed over the course of his filmography throughout the 1990s. Sometimes he was a sexually confused high school teacher and sometimes he was a dirtbag Frenchmen, but he was always a doofy, handsome goofball, whose goofiness was somehow profoundly about sex in a way that I didn’t understand at all—and still don’t, entirely, except that maybe a lot of annoying cliches about how being sexy and being good at sex have to do with not taking yourself seriously and being willing to be ridiculous may just be true. Everything Kline did had massive, capacious joy in it, this sense of bounding through the world, taking delight in everything on offer. Whether he was the villain or the love interest or the lovable nerd, he was always a Hot Dad, regardless of whether his character in any of these movies actually was a father to any children. He was the prototypical hot dad, the ur-hot dad, a hot dad before I knew what a hot dad was, before it was really a phrase that was in the culture at all.

A Hot Dad crush wasn’t at all the kind of crush you could share with your friends as a barely-teenager; there was a small list of almost-teen actors by preference for whom one could identify oneself to one’s peers, and, obviously, Kline wasn’t on that list. I watched French Kiss on an airplane when I was maybe 12; this is the rare movie in which Kline is straightforwardly the Hot Guy, but he’s hot in a way meant to appeal to 30-year-old women. I didn’t know anyone else my age who had seen it. Lots of people saw In and Outa movie with extraordinarily questionable politics, in hindsight—and thought it was funny, but saying you had a crush on one of the male leads in it wasn't something you could tell your 12- and 13-year-old friends. I only ever talked about my formative crush on Kline once I was at the age where people use sentimentally self-deprecating remembrances of their teen crushes as a way to bond with other adults roughly their own age. 

Having a crush on a hot dad when you're a kid means that, as you grow up, the crush becomes a reminder of your own mortality. Whereas more appropriately aged teen crushes have at this point grown into middle-aged sad fuckbois (The DiCaprio Effect), Kline is now genuinely old. In photos, he is so gray-haired as to edge into white-haired, and frail in a way that brings to mind the phrase “elder statesman.” The hot dad I wanted to bang as a teenager is now a granddad whom, let me be very clear, I still absolutely want to bang. 

My crush on Kline has followed his entire journey from late youth to middle age to getting old; it is a reminder that time carries us inexorably forward into the next stage of life, whether or not it seems possible. In some ways, to me, Kline will always be the joyfully mercenary sex idiot in A Fish Called Wanda, throwing knives and doing pratfalls and wearing both a belt and suspenders at once in every scene. But now my crush on him is about the willingness to acknowledge how we change, and what we lose. He’s a harbinger of death, who I will always want to bang.

Photo courtesy of Parkwood Entertainment/Netflix

We're shook and shaking our heads

Awards season is indeed on the horizon. Today the nominees for the 71st annual Emmy Award nominations were announced, crowning the best in television programming over the past year—from June 1, 2018, through May 31, 2019, specifically. For some performers, creators, crews, networks, and fans, this is a time for celebration and congratulations. For others, it's a moment of disappointment; or at the very least, an opportunity to complain a little bit.

Here are my snubs, surprises, and the nominations that I'm so excited about I could scream.

Snub: Tracee Ellis-Ross in 'black-ish'

Three-time Emmy nominee Tracee Ellis-Ross was not nominated for her role in black-ish, and I would like to speak to the manager.

Snub: 'The Masked Singer'

The Masked Singer might seem gimmicky, but it's actually really good and has shaken up the monotony of other singing competition shows. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough for the Emmy voters.

Surprise: 'Surviving R. Kelly'

I was admittedly surprised to see Surviving R. Kelly validated as one of the most impactful docu-series of the year. It has changed the conversation about sexual assault and grooming and added pressure to law enforcement to hold the singer accountable. It was nominated for Best Informational Series or Special.

Snub: Julia Roberts in 'Homecoming'

Julia Roberts stepped off of her well-established film actress pedestal to bring a PODCAST to life, and this is the thanks she gets? She killed it in Homecoming, and yet it didn't get a single nomination.

Surprise: Beyoncé's 'Homecoming'

Speaking of Homecoming, Beyoncé's Netflix documentary about her 2018 Coachella performance—which doubled as a tribute to HBCUs—was nominated for Best Variety Special. All she has to do is win this, snag an Oscar for The Lion King soundtrack, and put Broadway in her GPS, and Beyhive, we have ourselves an EGOT!

Snub: 'Gentleman Jack'

Gentleman Jack didn't get a single nomination. It hasn't even been a full month since Pride, and we're already shitting on gay rights. Wow.

Snub: 'Grace & Frankie'

I know that Grace & Frankie went off the rails a little bit this year, so I get the show being absent from the Best Comedy Series category. But for neither Lily Tomlin or Jane Fonda to be recognized just feels… wrong.

Snub: 'American Horror Story: Apocalypse'

Jessica Lange is that bitch and deserves her nomination for returning to American Horror Story: Apocalypse. But Evan Peters should have received some recognition for wearing that terrible wig while he played a Satan-worshipping tech bro; Sarah Paulson carried the show; and nothing but respect to MY antichrist, Cody Fern.

Snub: 'Haunting of Hill House'

Another horror series that deserved a chance this year was Haunting of Hill House. It was scary as hell, but also a great drama about a family dealing with grief and trauma. It could be that the Emmy voters were too damn terrified to make it to the end, though. Fair.

Surprise: Billy Porter in 'Pose'

Billy Porter got a Lead Actor nomination for Pose, and I can't think of anyone more deserving. I can't wait to see what he wears on award night.

Surprise: Jharrel Jerome In 'When They See Us'

It cannot be understated how much Jharrel Jerome deserves his nomination for Lead Actor in a Limited Drama Series. His performance in Ava DuVernay's When They See Us still haunts me.

Surprise: Kit Harington In 'Game of Thrones'

Kit Harington as Best Actor. IKYFL.

Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock

Now we know

Katy Perry has revealed the methods she uses to prevent looking like she's "getting older," and they might surprise you. The singer doesn't rely on a great face mask or a new treatment. Nope, she does "lots of enemas" instead. Personally, I would rather age gracefully with whatever wrinkles come my way than inject liquid into my anus, but what do I know?

Keep reading... Show less
Karyn Louise/Shutterstock

The secret is fruit

Timeless beauty and bop-creator Myá opened up about her skin routine with Chili in an exclusive interview for VH1's Girls Cruise, and now I'm convinced that I've been wasting my produce all along. It turns out that the R&B icon is a DIY beauty queen and experiments with various fruits and vegetables. "For my masks, I use pure avocado and mango" she shares, which she credits with her firm, moisturized skin.

Keep reading... Show less
Asset 7
Photos via Zazzle

Does anyone actually buy this stuff?!

Rachel Dolezal, a white woman who defended her choice to pretend to be Black by saying she "identifies" as Black, apparently also identifies as a capitalist. She's selling merchandise that she's made, featuring photos of herself. And, let me tell you, the designs are truly something to behold.

Keep reading... Show less
Photos via @givenchyofficial on Instagram

This suit is everything

Ariana Grande's campaign visuals for Givenchy have finally been revealed, and they're absolutely flawless. Grande rocks a range of looks, including one particularly stunning emerald green power suit with sculpted shoulders that give me life. While the singer's butt-length extensions stole all the attention in the teasers, that's not the case for the campaign. (Though, admittedly, her pony looks sleek as always.)

Keep reading... Show less