Papa John’s Pizza Tastes Like Bigotry and Cardboard

    If it’s even actually pizza

    by · November 02, 2017

    Photo by Mike Moore/Getty Images for Papa John's

    Yesterday, Papa John's Pizza CEO John Schnatter ill-consideredly blamed the pizza chain's declining sales on the NFL protests, during which players take a knee to protest police brutality in America. A lot of people are pointing out that a more likely cause for the fall in revenue is the fact that their pizza is trash.

    Let's explore, as we take a look at all the things Papa John's pizza tastes like. 

    A U-Haul seat cushion.

     

    Regret.

     

    The box it's delivered in.

     

    Diabetes and sorrow.

    Wax. 

    Cardboard.

     

    Like a football player has already kneeled on the pizza. 

     

    An old t-shirt. 

     

    Moldy crackers, condensed tomato soup sauce, and Elmer's glue. 

     

    Used diapers.  

     

    Trash and hate. 

     

    Warm paper towels. 

     

    Burnt hair. 

     

    Traffic and allergies.

     

    Wet baseball glove. 

    [Sorry, we could not retrieve the embedded image, video, or audio. It may have been deleted.]
     

    Can of tomato soup on a frisbee. 

     

    Bath mat with weak ketchup drizzled on it.

     

    Ottoman drenched in spaghetti sauce. 

     

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