Papa John’s Pizza Tastes Like Bigotry and Cardboard

    If it’s even actually pizza

    by · November 02, 2017

    Photo by Mike Moore/Getty Images for Papa John’s

    Yesterday, Papa John’s Pizza CEO John Schnatter ill-consideredly blamed the pizza chain’s declining sales on the NFL protests, during which players take a knee to protest police brutality in America. A lot of people are pointing out that a more likely cause for the fall in revenue is the fact that their pizza is trash.

    Let’s explore, as we take a look at all the things Papa John’s pizza tastes like.

    A U-Haul seat cushion.


    The box it’s delivered in.

    Diabetes and sorrow.



    Like a football player has already kneeled on the pizza.

    An old t-shirt.

    Moldy crackers, condensed tomato soup sauce, and Elmer’s glue.

    Used diapers.

    Trash and hate.

    Warm paper towels.

    Burnt hair.

    Traffic and allergies.

    Wet baseball glove.

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    Can of tomato soup on a frisbee.

    Bath mat with weak ketchup drizzled on it.

    Ottoman drenched in spaghetti sauce.

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    Last updated: 2017-11-02T10:27:43-04:00
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