Everything You Need To Know About The Scorpio New Moon (Sunday, October 30, 2016)

Collage photo via Getty Images

Ain’t nobody f*ckin’ with my clique

It’s time: Yes, the sun is stationed steady in powerful and passionate Scorpio, and while some of you might roll your eyes at #ScorpioSeason’s purported intensity—buckle up. Mama Luna is as protective as ever in a dark, new moon state, and in equally dark, watery Scorpio on Sunday, October 30—well, let’s just say she’s in your corner, coming out swinging... with a Louisville Slugger, or your grandmother’s heavy-ass cane your mom keeps by the door in case of intruders. Scorpio moms are the scariest, aren’t they? Yes and no, but more on that later.

The moon in such a new, vulnerable state is nothing to sneeze at—especially in watery, hypersensitive Scorpio, which could drive certain personalities (read: the immature, less-evolved, or “weak” types) to lash out in fear. Obviously, it’s Halloween: a time when the veils between the worlds of the living and the dead, the thin, gauzy sheets between energetic dimensions, are paper-thin. At this time, certain people will be closer than ever to death—not in the sense of their own physical death (or anyone else’s), but the underworld; where things go when they die. And this weekend is vacation season for the dead. It depends on you whether or not this period will be a party atmosphere with all that’s died (or a super-lit exorcism of your personal demons)—or the worst, most potentially scarring haunted Halloween experience ever. Don’t play yourself by buying a ticket to the macabre show if you can’t handle it.

The Scorpio new moon occurring so close to Samhain (otherwise known as All Hallow’s Eve or Halloween) and the early stages of the triumphant Scorpio sun has earned it a reputation as an intensely “hungry” moon. It's nicknamed the “devouring moon” by ancient astrologers because of its tendency to make those adversely affected act out in “desperate” or “insatiable” ways—especially when it comes to sexual expression (and, frankly, conquest). But doesn’t that sound a bit slut-shamey? I call bullshit on the not-so-subtle shame cast over this Scorpio new moon’s behavioral tendencies. Instead, this new moon initiates a powerful solar return, literally, when we’re called to dance feverishly with (or fuck the shit out of, or roll up and smoke ‘em, or what have you) the legions of demons that’ve been plaguing us for the past 365 days. This is especially true for water signs like Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer, and to a lesser degree, Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo.

Those that find themselves on the prowl, or simply feeling a little feistier than normal—go ahead and get it, but with a caveat: The excess intuition that may surge into your consciousness has a high likelihood of skewing your ego if you aren’t strong. Knowing (and feeling) what others are thinking and feeling is a powerful strength now (as are some folks’ heightened connection and communication with the dead), but it can absolutely be misused and abused in the hands of the hurt, angry, or goonish and immature. When venomous reptiles and arachnids are juvenile and growing, they can’t control the amount of toxins they release into their opponent’s body, prematurely killing their prey before they can actually benefit and consume the corpse for nutrients. The moon’s darker tendencies in Scorpio provide a lush breeding ground for split decisions that threaten your personal integrity, reputation, or ethics, all driven by pure selfishness and false hunger. Look before you leap, and think before you throw any punches (or any major daggers with your words)... especially you water signs and wild cards Aries and Sagittarius.

The main archetype of this lunation is the ancient Hindu goddess Kali Maa, warrior mother of death, sex, birth, and life (rebirth). The goddess Kali’s whole mission during this time of year is not only to protect—or defend fiercely with her frightening intimidation tactics—but to teach those who are unafraid about the natural power in death, and managing the energetic tsunamis that come with the territory. Strong personalities will rise to the occasion and take Kali Maa’s hand in the dance of life, death, sex, and rebirth into a new spiritual chapter. There will be many who fear Kali’s presence, and the “weaker” personalities and archetypes mentioned earlier will likely behave in strange or hurtful ways. Think of it as a child who isn’t ready to watch The Exorcist—just chuckle when they hide their eyes at the bodily contortions and fluid-spewing. They’re just kids! But you’re a boss.

This Kali-influenced Scorpio new moon plays a corrective role in its more positive aspects, though not necessarily through easy means, embracing nature’s sometimes cruel, bloody abortive states in the cycles of death and rebirth. Mature, evolved personalities touched by this lunation will know the extent of their power and feel a quiet confidence in knowing themselves and their capabilities—in battle, politics, or the professional playing field. These folks won’t feel the need to kill now; their previous experiences in grimy, dramatic interpersonal conflicts will dictate how they choose their battles and how they expend their more warlike energy (I’m looking at you, Scorpio, Aries, and Sagittarius…), as well as provide a sturdy foundation for their faith in the psychological, spiritual rebirth and resurrection cycle.

At the same time, the intense Scorpio new moon—which can compel some to clingy, even codependent behaviors with their romantic partners—will blend with Mercury’s youthful, flighty, and somewhat unstable energy. Consider this pairing the once hot-and-heavy high school romance: the one you couldn’t stand and would constantly bicker with, but somehow couldn’t ever let go of because of a passionate friendship and a firey physical attraction. That’s exactly like the Scorpio new moon and Mercury dancing.

The youthfulness of this aspect conjures the Magician or “trickster” archetype during this period, making manifestation powerful and immediate. Those with a tendency toward indecision or flip-flopping should be careful now; with Mercury helming this ship, there’s no telling where or when the tides will change in an entirely new direction. Stay focused on your North Star—whatever you’re passionate about—and do your best to not allow yourself to meander from one decision to the other with zero direction.

Use excess intensity from this aspect to focus on the positive objectives of your future plans. This is a brilliant time, cosmically, to move or reassess your domestic situation. So, if you’ve been itching for new digs—or simply want to blow a couple stacks on making your home cozy and sweet for the coming fall and winter, now’s the ideal time. Pouring yourself into a DIY project or decor campaign might be just the right kind of therapy you need to balance yourself privately, especially for Taurus and Libra. If you approach your creative work with a sense of humor, intuition, and unique charm, you can’t lose. In nature, watch for signs of coyotes, ravens, crows, and chameleons.

Neptune, the watery, imaginative god of churning oceans and the ruling planet of dreamy Pisces, is also standing side-by-side with the new moon in super-compatible Scorpio during this lunation. Though these aspects are technically alliances, Neptunian and Lunar energy is far too hypersensitive, reactive, and emotional to be productive when churned by Mercury’s smarty-pants antics. Our boundaries are so tested now, many of us touched by these aspects (water signs especially) may feel the need to dive headfirst into mind-altering substances, drugs, or alcohol to take the edge off of reality. Alternatively, some may feel unhealthily attached or even codependent to their romantic partners. Be very careful not to become addicted to a certain lifestyle, personality, or substance in lieu of experiencing real love and passion actively. Get back into yourself if need be, but express your depth through artistic means only at this time.

The sturdy Scorpio sun will be bumping heads with Neptune, too, invoking the trickster archetype once more, but with a childlike ego. Neptune’s veil could cast a surreal shadow, and if we’re not careful, our imaginations can run the show. Synchronicity is very high with these aspects, and everything may seem tremendously poetic or unusually beautiful and strange. All that glitters is not gold, though, and Neptune’s darker side could provoke deception in a dangerous, unstable way.

Indeed, the Scorpio new moon—and all her aspects—is a lunation of extremes, of black-and-white situations that dictate an unfortunate and harsh all-or-nothing success rate. Only an astonishingly flexible ability to adapt and a quick wit will guide our actions toward victory during this time. It’s a jungle out there and the Scorpio new moon is nothing if not a Darwinian thinker; it’s the survival of the fittest, after all, and the less-evolved will sink into oblivion. But the quick studies and fast adapters will develop a newfound fortitude and sharp instinct for survival. Only the wise will win with Luna in deep Scorpio; excellence blooms in unexpected circumstances, and what is dead may never die.

Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video)

Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.