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What It’s Like To Get A Weed-Infused Massage

Culture

High Times ahead

I would consider myself to be an introverted extrovert. That means that I’m always up for socializing—I often crave human interaction for relief from my own brain—but I get exhausted with being "on" very quickly. That leads to me internalizing a lot, looking inward, and basically wanting to be left alone at functions, despite having just engaged in a thrilling debate about Beyonce’s future twins’ names. Basically, I’m stressed when I’m alone, and I’m stressed when I’m with people—aka I am a yarn ball of a person, just unraveling left and right! Fun!

Here's something people often say to me when I tell them what I'm like: “You should take a hit of this.” Also: “You should book a massage.” But what about both? That's what I decided to sort of do anyway by booking a weed-infused massage; I am nothing if not great at listening to the advice of others.

CAP Beauty is tucked away on a leafy street in Manhattan's West Village. The sunny space is modest in every way—petite in size, no exceedingly flashy signage—until you walk inside and see their beauty selection. Organic product hoarders beware: They’ve got everything your wildest beauty dreams are made of, shelves stocked with products you’ve probably never even heard of, like Rose Moon Sea Salt and White Sage Hydrosol. Adamant about selling products that are as plant-based as possible and that the CAP Beauty team actually believes in, they won’t even stock something if it’s not 100 percent natural and 100 percent remarkable. After nearly blacking out and forcing myself to put back something called an Eyebrow Elixir (RIP to my mammoth-inspired brows that could have been), I remembered the actual purpose of my visit and checked in with the radiant angel who was stocking beauty products.

On their website (which I found after getting lost in the depths of organic beauty Instagram), CAP describes their High Times Massage as a “restorative massage with Apothecanna’s fully potent range of CBD-infused oils for a higher dose of release.” Their masseuse-in-residence who's also behind the High Times massage, Kumara Sawyers (who exudes so much chill and also goes by Kumi, which is the best name ever), practices restorative massage, which rebalances your body and kick-starts healing. I, personally, was sold as soon as I read “a higher dose of release” (I wasn't sure what that meant, but it sounded A+) and booked my appointment as quickly as my thumbs would go. I was ready to get a little stoned and a lot relaxed for the sake of *~*investigative journalism*~*. 

At CAP Beauty, the mantra is “Beauty is wellness. Wellness is beauty.” From acupuncture to facials and eyebrow shaping, CAP turns very ordinary beauty treatments into seriously luxurious self-care dates—that also happen to be organic as hell. With names like “The Japanese Root Treatment” and “The Alchemic Facial,” you can’t help but be curious what kind of fun witchcraft they have going on inside. For this particular massage adventure, Sawyers—an ex-model turned yogi, expert masseuse, and curator—uses oils infused with CBD (a derivative of cannabis) paired with deep tissue work to help you chill out and free up bound muscle. From Sawyers, I learned that CBD is a natural resource with strong medicinal powers ranging from fighting inflammation to reducing anxiety, therefore making weed and healing massage a beautiful pairing.

Apothecanna approached me about their line of CBD oils that are mixed with other herbs like lavender, chamomile, and juniper. I knew right away I wanted to work with it,” she told me. “Now I consult for them, and we find it so important to change the language around cannabis. People are so quick to associate it with getting stoned, but it’s actually a very powerful medicinal plant. With this massage, there’s no THC in the oils, so you won’t get high but...” 

Wait, so this won’t actually get me high? I felt bamboozled.

“... you will feel much more fluid and will experience deep relaxation. I work with the nervous system to bring down the fight or flight stress response,” finished Sawyers. Okay, that's actually great. This treatment sounded like it was crafted specifically for me.

Sawyers escorted me to a dark cavernous room illuminated with a few candles. Despite this being the most relaxed atmosphere potentially to ever exist outside of the boat in the middle of the ocean that Rihanna lounges on, I’ll be honest, I was nervous. I haven’t had a massage in years and was ready for her tell me, “Yes, indeed your body is super messed-up and you hold stress in literally every single muscle.” 

But as soon as I stripped down and we got started, I felt a sense of calm. The kind of calm you feel when falling asleep on a lover’s shoulder as you jet off on a romantic weekend getaway to Mexico. (Disclaimer: Although I have never experienced that, I feel confident making the reference.) The oils didn’t even smell vaguely like marijuana, but rather like delicious eucalyptus and lavender. It was the right amount of hurt and ease, flux and flow, and although it took me a minute to fully relax my limbs and become a full-out Jell-O human, once I did, I was committed. I was even prepared to stay a Jell-O human for the rest of my days. Sawyers massaged the tension out of places I didn’t even know were tender—like my neck and feet—complete with a brief but life-changing scalp massage. Suddenly 90 minutes seemed very, very short.

“Make sure to drink a lot of water, that’s really important after a massage,” Sawyers told me as the massage ended. “We store toxins in our muscles, so when we increase circulation the toxins are released into the bloodstream and we need to drink up and get rid of them by peeing!” 

As a self-proclaimed #H2Hoe, I was definitely up for the challenge of getting rid of those toxins; I was also ready to collapse onto my bed for the best nap of my young life. I felt pure and at peace and honestly even a little high—but more so on the whole experience. As I got ready to leave, I asked her where she thought I had the most tension. She smiled her lovely, serene smile and said, “I can feel that you're very tense, you just need to open up.” 

Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube www.youtube.com

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Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

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Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale youtu.be

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video) www.youtube.com

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Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.

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