Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

Collage photo by George Marks/Getty Images

Sometimes Mr. or Ms. Wrong can actually be very right

Throughout my misadventures as a serial dater and love seeker, I’ve developed a taste for a certain type. And while it might not have been intentional, if I were to put my last four lovers in a police lineup, it’d be hard for strangers to tell them apart. Physically, they’re similar—lanky, rugged, with a mess of tresses and a boyish charm; emotionally, they’re nearly identical—inconsistent, manic, cold, distant, intense, whimsical, and dark. Somehow, I’ve developed a sixth sense for seeking out man-children who could have once appeared on an Abercrombie and Fitch bag and might inspire psychologists to use the words “borderline” or “narcissistic personality.” It’s hard to say why, after each miserable breakup, I went back for more of the same and sought similar traits in new lovers, but I did. That’s the definition of insanity, right? And yet the problem was, my predilection for emotionally unsympathetic men with commitment issues and big arms and good hair was never apparent to me. At least, it wasn't until I eventually met someone different, someone who would stand out of a lineup of my exes like the sorest thumb.

For that very reason, when we first met, I wasn’t interested. It didn’t matter that he was polite and present, tender and honest; he didn’t play an instrument, he didn’t write poetry in his spare time, and he didn’t have a Netflix addiction. It was a hard no for me. What could we possibly have in common? I thought to myself as I sat across from him. I was closed and judgmental, sizing him up against my usual suspects. For weeks I ignored his attempts at plan-making. I swiped away his sweet messages and turned up my nose at the lack of boxes he checked off. “I know what I like,” I told my friends, who encouraged me to give him a shot. “It’s never worked out with the kind of person you like,” they humbled me.

This rang true enough for me to decide to get in touch with a certified sex and relationship coach Myisha Battle to talk more about types and why it’s so hard to break our own molds. She told me that a lot of our issues with type-casting our partners is that we get warm feelings for things that are familiar—despite the fact that familiar is not always synonymous with good.

“A lot of our attraction to our partners is due to our unconscious roles we developed in childhood. We are often drawn to partners who feel comfortable to us and have similar values,” she explained.

Once I understood this and saw Mr. Not the Same again, things changed. His differences registered as attributes. His individuality was not out-of-line, but, rather, intoxicating. Giving him a second chance was more than a second date, it was ending a non-functioning cycle of insanity in my life. My new response to this person who seemed so far from the type with whom I thought I was meant to be, felt incredibly evolved and progressive. Like I had broken a curse I’d placed on myself. The more time I spent with him, the more my perception of compatibility expanded. After a few dates, I felt like someone who was colorblind but was now seeing every individual color of the rainbow and each delicate shade in between. And at the same time, I was mad at myself for wasting so much time chasing my mistakes in circles. That said, according to Battle, a lot of these tendencies stem from childhood and are subconsciously ingrained in our programming. Battle further explains:

We all carry the roles we play out in our family into our relationships. For instance, if your family is very argumentative, you might be as well, or you might be the mediator or pleaser that tries to help everyone see each other's side. While these are totally natural traits to have, they may affect who you choose to partner with. You may find yourself attracted to argumentative, strong personality types of people. Does it feel natural to play out your role with them? Sure, but is it the role you actually want to play in your romantic relationship? When you step out of your comfort zone, you will discover new ways to be with other people. Dating outside your type is one way you can do this.

We’re so worried about expanding ourselves and the risk of opening up to the unknown that we’re more comfortable living within a provincial mentality. But dating someone outside of your type not only has the potential to open up your romantic opportunities, but it challenges you personally and gives you an opportunity to grow within yourself, too.

“Being able to date outside your type is quite freeing. It allows you to look at others holistically rather than as a series of ideal qualities and exposes you to a whole new perspective. It can also be really exciting to learn about other ways of living that aren't informed by our own value systems,” Battle encourages.

So this year, consider getting rid of the boxes and erasing the confining parameters of your “type.” Give someone new a shot, someone you don't immediately understand. Maybe for you, this means swiping right instead of left or saying “yes” to that second date you’re tempted to skip. Open yourself up to someone who makes you giddily shake your head and wonder how you ended up where you are. Let people surprise you, and surprise yourself not just with who they are, but with who you are destined to be.

We also see Margot Robbie take on Sharon Tate

The new trailer for Quentin Tarantino's upcoming movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood gives a look at the Manson Family. In the previous clip, we saw Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio at their funniest. Now, we get to see Margot Robbie take on actress Sharon Tate, Lena Dunham become a cult member, and how the fictional and real-life story lines will intersect in the film.

Per a press release, the film—that follows a fictional story set around the time of the real-life Manson murders—"visits 1969 Los Angeles, where everything is changing, as TV star Rick Dalton (DiCaprio) and his longtime stunt double Cliff Booth (Pitt) make their way around an industry they hardly recognize anymore."

In this clip, after being introduced to Dalton and Booth, viewers get to see how the latter ends up mingling with the Manson Family. As Booth picks up a girl (Margaret Qualley) on the side of the road, he unknowingly welcomes a Manson family member into his life and begins to visit their ranch. The fiction and real-life stories intersect when we find out that Dalton lives next store to Tate, who was murdered by the members of Charles Manson's cult in 1969.

Watch the new trailer for Once Upon A Time In Hollywood ahead of its July 26 theatrical release, below.


Photos by Charles McQuillan/Getty Images

This photo proves that they are the chillest onscreen family

Sophie Turner just posted a photo of herself, Maisie Williams, and Isaac Hempstead Wright—aka the Stark siblings—to her Instagram, showing just what the three used to get up to when the Game of Thrones cameras weren't rolling.

The photo shows Wright looking quite pleased with himself while sitting on a makeshift throne, wearing no pants. As he should be, seeing as (spoiler) his character, Bran, won the Iron Throne this weekend. Williams, meanwhile, is looking way too cool to be involved in the shenanigans, wearing a pair of black sunglasses and staring absently off-camera. As for Turner, she's looking away from her onscreen brother, too, nervously smoking a Juul.

"The pack survived," Turner captioned the photo.

This photo just goes to prove that the Stark siblings are the chillest onscreen family. (It also proves, yet again, that Turner's social media is an absolute delight.)

We're actually a little sad that this footage didn't make it into the final season, considering how many modern-day objects have been spotted in the show's last few episodes.

Photo via @mileycyrus on Twitter

Meet Ashley

Miley Cyrus shared the trailer for her forthcoming Black Mirror episode, and it's basically Hannah Montana set in a dystopian future. Cyrus is a pink wig-wearing pop star named Ashley who is rolling out an in-home virtual assistant, named Ashley Too, that looks like her and shares her voice. But, as is the case with every Black Mirror episode, this technology is not as cute and fun as it's advertised to be.

In the trailer, we get the idea that Ashley is all about wanting fans to "believe" in themselves—but underneath that pink wig, maybe she doesn't feel that same self-love. After Ashley Too introduces herself to fan and new owner Rachel, promising to be her friend, we get a look at Ashley's darker side. She's depressed and tired of the pop star life. A record label executive says to several people in the room, "She doesn't understand how fragile all this is." As they consider upping her dose of medication, Ashley's life is on a downward slope. "It's getting so hard to keep doing this," she voices over glimpses of a police car chase, performances, and breakdowns backstage.

But back to the technology: Does Ashley's breakdown also mean the breakdown of Ashley Too? Looks like it. We see Rachel's virtual assistant screaming, "Get that cable out of my ass! Holy shit! Pull it out," breathing a sigh of relief as soon as they pull it out. A title card then reveals the episode name, "Rachel, Jack, and Ashley Too."

Watch the full trailer and get a full view of Cyrus' cyborg-esque pop star look, below. Black Mirror returns to Netflix on June 5.

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Photo by Paras Griffin / Stringer / Getty Images.

Several actresses allegedly had "issues" with him

Lena Waithe's Showtime series, The Chi, just lost one of its main characters. Jason Mitchell, who was also set to appear in the Netflix film Desperados, has been dropped from both projects following multiple allegations of misconduct. He has also been dropped by his agent and manager.

Hollywood Reporter heard from a source "with knowledge" of The Chi, who says that Tiffany Boone, the actress who plays Mitchell's girlfriend on the show, is just one of several actresses who had "issues" with him. She eventually told producers at Fox21 that she could no longer work with him after filing several sexual harassment complaints. Apparently, her fiancé, Dear White People co-star Marque Richardson, would join her on set when she would shoot with Mitchell.

While news of Mitchell's alleged misconduct is just now beginning to surface, it looks like the ball started rolling on the fallout weeks ago. He was dropped from Desperados and replaced by Lamorne Morris before filming began. A source from the production team said that the producers received "specific information" that they reviewed and acted on quickly. Similarly, a source familiar with Mitchell's former agent, UTA, said the decision to drop him a few weeks ago was very quick following the allegations.

Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images

Prior to the college admissions scandal, she said she doesn't "care about school"

Apparently, Olivia Jade wants to go back to school despite all those YouTube videos that suggested otherwise. Back in March, it was revealed that her mom, Fuller House actress Lori Loughlin, and dad, Mossimo Giannulli, had scammed Jade's way into the University of Southern California. Now, Loughlin faces jail time, and Jade lost out on plenty of lucrative ad partnerships.

According to Us Weekly, "Olivia Jade wants to go back to USC," per a source. "She didn't get officially kicked out and she is begging the school to let her back in." Another source though ousted Jade's real motivation to the publication. "She knows they won't let her in, so she's hoping this info gets out," they shared. "She wants to come out looking like she's changed, learned life lessons and is growing as a person, so she for sure wants people to think she is interested in her education."

Jade previously shared in a YouTube video she's in college for the "experience of like game days, partying" rather than the education. She also said, "I don't know how much of school I'm going to attend... I don't really care about school, as you guys all know." Though these statements were made prior to the scandal coming to light, her brand partnerships didn't come into question until her parents were indicted.

Right now, despite previous reports that Jade and her sister would both be dropping out of USC, Jade's enrollment has been placed on hold—meaning she cannot register for classes, or even withdraw from the school—until her parents' court case comes to a close. Then, the school will make its own decision as to how Jade will be affected. I think, either way, she should have to pay off a few of her classmates' loans for all the BS she pulled.