What Your Status Lip Balm Says About You

Forget the Myers-Briggs and Enneagram tests — all I need to know is what lip balm is sitting in the bottom of your bag right now.

Lip balms — or butters, oils, treatments, or something in between — are among the most personal of all skin care items because they don’t live in your medicine cabinet to be used once or twice a day — you carry it around and it sees the world with you. And because your lip product basically becomes an extension of you, the one you choose can say a lot about your personality. So are you devoted to Rhode? Summer Fridays obsessed? Hooked on Dior? Tell me what your favorite status lip balm is, and I’ll tell you some truths about yourself.

Rhode Peptide Lip Treatment

You believe classics are classics for a reason — Gucci loafers, white Chloé blouses, Ray-Ban sunglasses are forever. Sometimes you order tea after dinner when everyone else is ordering espresso martinis. (You have a SoulCycle class to attend the next morning with your favorite instructor, so it only makes sense.) You hardly remember life before the Peptide Lip Treatment. What did you even use before? Aquaphor, maybe? The tinted versions are about as crazy as you go for night-out makeup. You tried a red lip once and it just felt weird, but that’s OK — you know what you like and stick to it.

Saltair Lip Oil Balm

Do you find that you’re always carrying a bigger purse than your friends when you go out? You have to, if you’re going to fit all the essentials, plus gum, hand sanitizer, tissues, nail glue, and probably hold someone else’s keys and ID for them. You also saved your first Coach bag from middle school — it’s in immaculate condition. Being the first one to arrive at brunch gives you a moment of zen. The Saltair lip balms are your go-to because they give you that great shine and moisture you’re looking for — and at half or one third the price of similar ones. Why would you even think twice?

Summer Fridays Lip Butter Balm

You probably loved collecting things as a kid. Maybe it was American Girl dolls or Pokémon cards — it doesn’t matter, because as an adult, you’ve projected your knack for creating your own harmless obsessions onto your shopping habits. There are spreadsheets where you keep track of the skin care products you tried and the results. You’ve DMed people to ask for outfit credits — all is fair in the name of research. Friends text you asking for recommendations for doctors, gift ideas, and TV shows — and you have answers at the ready. Now, you absolutely need to get all eight shades of the Butter Balms (including the limited-edition Birthday Cake one) so you can properly rank them and decide which one actually is the best.

NYX Fat Oil Lip Drip

Half your wardrobe is going-out clothes, you consider sequins a neutral, and you own almost no pants. You had to be told that Miaou corsets weren’t appropriate workwear. You make sure to field-test your shoes before taking them out on the town because you need to be able to move. Catching eyes comes naturally, so if you don’t get at least one stranger telling you they love your outfit, that means the vibes were off that night. At this point, you could probably be a spokesperson for Urban Decay All-Nighter Setting Spray, but, if you need a mirror to put on a lipstick, you have no interest. You think one of the best things about this lip oil is that you can pick one up at CVS anytime you’re grabbing a Celsius.

Dior Addict Lip Glow Oil

Are … people just always copying you? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s not so cool when you can no longer get into your favorite spot for $12 negronis because it has been infiltrated by content creators. You don’t really get the churn of internet culture or why anyone would want everyone to know what they’re doing all the time. You’ve been honing your personal style and have been curating a capsule wardrobe for years (old Celiné and Jil Sander, filled out with basics from Cou Cou Intimates). You rue the day Lip Glow went viral, so for now you’re gatekeeping the name of your signature fragrance.

Haus Labs PhD Hybrid Lip Glaze

Setting up Resy notifications for the most-difficult-to-get-into restaurants is your favorite game. You have Google alerts set for celebrity-couple breakups. (Someone has to be responsible for keeping the group chat informed.) You’ve learned to carry a portable charger with you so you’ll never again be caught with a dead phone when you spot Julia Fox at Joyface. Trying new things first is a competitive sport to you, so, admittedly, the new Haus Labs Lip Glaze is your favorite today — but we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

U Beauty Plasma Lip Compound

Some might say you’re high-maintenance, but there’s nothing wrong with simply demanding the best if you can have it. Luxury to you is maximum convenience: Apple Pay, express shipping, Blacklane car service (it’s necessary because your Bottega Veneta mules were not made for walking). It’s important to you to have a texting relationship with your therapist — you never know when you’re going to need something in a crisis. You’re a regular at Rescue Spa (and always make sure to stock up on Biologique Recherche on your way out.) You don’t don’t need your favorite lip balm to taste like cake; in fact, you prefer otherwise. All you know is using the Lip Plasma has literally made your lips look plumper, whether it’s on or off.