Grace VanderWaal Reclaims Her Story With Childstar

Grace VanderWaal is closing the book on her childhood. The singer-songwriter, who rose to fame at age 12 when she won America’s Got Talent, has officially grown up — and she’s baring all her feelings about it on her sophomore album Childstar.

“I feel like some people would take what I'm doing as tarnishing my legacy, but I feel the exact opposite,” VanderWaal, now 21, tells NYLON in her first interview about the album and its themes. “I feel like I'm finally putting a cap on it.”

The nine-track record leads with the single “Proud,” in which she sings about being a kid craving validation from others, before exploring the “beautiful, painful mess” of her story in depth. While her childhood wasn’t all bad — “the truth is, a lot of it was great” — she says she wants listeners to be open to nuance instead of expecting a “black and white statement.”

Here, VanderWaal speaks with NYLON about how the album, out April 4, came to be and teases an “immersive artistic experience” when she goes on tour in May.

Tell me about the creative process for this album.

It happened organically. I'm still really young, but I've never been able to set my sights on a vibe or concept before I've made it. I've always had to obey the creativity monster of following wherever the song is going. As I was writing, I started noticing, "Wow, I'm writing about a lot of similar topics." And then it became this project. It was some spiritual sh*t.

The album runs the course of a birth to a death. “Proud” is the leading track, and it represents a place of being mentally groomed in this system of positive reinforcement. It then builds to this grand song that is finally putting the story to rest.

How does the album’s title connect to the overall theme?

Childstar is obviously a very striking title, and that was intentional. The album does have some theatrics, which will all make sense very soon. In a real sense, it’s about being a golden child and having to be super "mature and strong.”

For a lot of kids, there really isn't space for their experience and pain. I grew up in a household where lots of people were going through their own sh*t, and that's where the stardom comes into play. I always felt incredibly guilty and like I had to swallow anything I was feeling, because who the hell am I to take up space when I won the lottery, basically?

On “Proud,” that childlike feeling of wanting to be loved is highly relatable, but you also had a very unique childhood. How much of this record is specific to your experience, and how much touches on the broader challenges of growing up?

I think it's all a broader theme. It's weird because it's so niche what I went through, but kids are kids. A lot of the things I struggled with are really, on some scale or another, what a lot of people went through. There’s the validation theme, and then what really had to do with fame was my relationship with my sexuality and being sexualized as a young girl.

I tie that to my fame because, obviously, I'm a young girl getting posted on the internet, but I think it’s something all girls face — the way the world almost sees this death in you. You are now a separate entity, and you’re reborn, and that's scary as f*ck. I don't want to leave that girl behind because I'm still her.

You said that when you pitched this album to different labels, it “scared a lot of grown men.” Why do you think people were so reluctant to embrace it?

Honestly, I don't judge them. I was really pushing the envelope. I was talking about going to red carpets with a bucket of blood or getting a pet lamb for the album rollout. I was saying the most extreme ideas to see how far people would ride with me.

The concept of the album is hard for some people to grasp, especially getting into girlhood and womanhood. Now it's a way more developed project, but you had to use your imagination with me in those early creative meetings.

I think it’s something all girls face — the way the world almost sees this death in you. You are now a separate entity, and you’re reborn, and that's scary as f*ck.

Where did you land with the album rollout? What can people expect to see?

Without saying too much, there was a specific pattern that started to arise, and I thought it was a really cool idea for every corner of the project: rollout, first tour shows, etc. I was like, "This is something we can continually play on,” which, in terms of world-building, is really valuable to me.

I also want to touch on “Babydoll (featuring Aliyah’s Interlude),” which is totally different than “Proud” — it’s a fun, self-assured pop anthem. Tell me about the process of working on that one with Aliyah.

The album is conceptual, but there’s an overall essence of freedom. For so long, I filed down my expression and my sexuality in a lot of ways. I felt like I was deserving of the harassment or pain I would endure. I had this deep-rooted guilt. So I do think there’s a liberating element to the album, where it’s like, if I want to be fun and stupid, I'm going to be fun and stupid. If I want to be sexy, f*ck you, I'm going to be sexy.

“Babydoll” was one of the last songs we wrote for the album, and we were just having fun at that point. I wrote it with Tiffany Stringer, who is a friend of mine. We couldn't get the second verse, and I knew it had to be a feature. Aliyah was my first choice because I've been a fan of hers forever, and I felt like the song was so her. We reached out, she said she was interested, and she sent back the verse. I was like, "This is amazing. Please, please, please."

And then the first one you released, “What's Left Of Me,” is a softer track about grieving a breakup. Why did you want to put that one out first?

I wrote “What’s Left Of Me” on my own, outside of a writer’s room, just hanging out with two musician friends. We started accidentally writing the most heartbreaking breakup song on what was supposed to be a really fun day.

I thought it lined up with what I was trying to do artistically — I really wanted to explore less cut-and-dry words, and greasier imagery. When we wrote the line, “The grease in my hair, the rot in my teeth,” I was like, "I'm doing what I've been wanting to do for a long time."

You spoke earlier about your experience being sexualized as a young girl. That’s obviously a really vulnerable topic to talk about — why did you want to explore that theme in this album?

It is a really nuanced topic, which is part of the pain of it. People gloss over the guilt and self-blaming that can happen, and that’s a huge part of the experience that I see very little representation of in the music world. It was really bothering me, and I knew it was something I wanted to write about.

You also announced that you’re touring in May. How’s that planning going?

It’s stressful. I feel like I'm planning so many things at once, but also nothing at all. You actually just reminded me that I need to open up my laptop and get on Pinterest and start coming up with ideas. But I'm really excited. I'm very open and public about my love for performing and touring. It's the happiest thing in my life.

Can you share a bit about what the show will be like?

It's definitely going to break the typical singer-to-fan concert mold. Let’s just say it's going to be an immersive artistic experience.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.