Which 'Gilmore Girls' Character Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

When NYLON suggested I do a Gilmore Girls characters astrology post, I had already begun a deep rewatch of the show (whose first episode turns 20 in October of this year) for reasons I can't explain except by calling it psychic in hindsight.

For the sake of the genre, I've paired each sign with one of the 12 zodiac signs with no repeats. But, because I am a perfectionist, it is my duty to tell you—dear reader—that these characters could just as easily be grouped as three to one sign. Gemini and Libra energy abounds in this show where mental energy is expended at unnecessary levels. Capricorn, too, is a shared placement, what with all that old money and attention to "society." In some cases, I'm pulled to give you a rising or moon for sign these very reasons.

Still, after seven seasons and a 2016 revival miniseries, Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, and a lot of emotional confusion regarding why a show with so many intelligent people would have so many homophobic remarks and a dearth of POC characters, I'm ready to offer you the astro truth as I know it. Ahead, the zodiac signs for every Gilmore Girls character.

Lorelai | Aquarius

Everyone knows Lorelai has got to be a fixed sign because it's clear that Lorelai was born with a full personality that only strengthened as she matured. And, she's got to be the kind of fixed sign that has no idea how to communicate her emotions until it's too late, as evidenced by almost all her romantic relationship drama. She's got to be the kind of sign that feels like an alien born to her family. And, she's got to have a lot of trouble figuring out whether, despite her lofty romantic personality, she'd be better off alone. Lorelai is the kind of sign that finds the minutiae of small-town life compelling in a completely removed sort of way. A part of things but always a critic, an observer. All signs point to Aquarius, here. Even—and especially—her relationship to Rory as "friends first, mother second." Her bottomless well of quips? That might be Sagittarius moon territory.

Rory | Virgo

Rory's baby blue eyes might have had you thinking that she's a water sign. And, it might be true that she's got water on her rising—Cancer perhaps—but Rory is most certainly a mutable sign with a very private sense of order. The more you get to know Rory, the more her Virgoness seems obvious. From her wild, yet highly systemic book shelving system, to her encyclopedic brain full of references to everything from '90s rock anthems to philosophers of antiquity, to her inability to say no to new social opportunities—Rory's role at the Virgo of Stars Hollow is secured. WILDLY and honestly, I found out the actress behind Rory, Alexis Bledel, is a Virgo in real life after writing this. So, you know.

Lane | Gemini

Lane is a deeply underrated character on Gilmore Girls, and her story provides a kind of parallel to that of Lorelai and Lori. While Lorelai and Rory play the role of insanely close mother and daughter up against the world, Lane and her mother play the role of a mother and daughter afflicted by cultural differences and distance. The fact that Lane's father does not appear to be in the picture as well only strengthens the parallel. As an immigrant who kind of grew up with an overbearing mother, I highly identified with Lane's reality. But, as a Gemini who lived two lives in one, Lane often did her best to dis-identify with it. A musical polymath and a sharp tack, Lane is every bit as blessed by Mercury as Rory is, and every bit as mutable. But while Rory hoards the information she collects, Lane is willing to risk everything she's come from to enjoy and share it.

Luke | Scorpio

I want you to know that I knew Luke was a Scorpio from the moment he entered the scene and looked for all types of confirmation up until the scene, seasons in, when he's on his first real date with Lorelai and whips out a Scorpio horoscope she gave to him when they first met. Gilmore Girls writers must have consulted an astrologer when they decided what sign to give him based on his character portrayal because, honestly, the accuracy! Luke smolders through most of the show and is incredibly secretive about his feelings regarding almost everything—from his attachment to Jess to his love of Lorelai. And, in true Scorpio fashion, despite the depth of his feelings and the extent of his secrecy, Luke is still possessive and emotionally entitled regarding both. Luke chases Jess's dad out of town without even telling Jess, and Luke is relentless in Lorelai's life—even after he breaks up with her. He is also incredibly possessive and protective of Rory, erupting into fatherly anger every chance he gets toward men in her life—from her dates to her bio-dad. On the flip side, Luke's affection is enduring and his loyalty incomparable.

Jess | Aries

First of all, it's imperative for me to inform you that Virgos often have incredible sexual energy with Aries. Probably something to do with the secret freak of the Zodiac being paired with the horny ( I'm sorry) ram. Jess and Rory appear to be the perfect example of an Aries and Virgo who are dying to fuck and have almost nothing else in common. I mean, okay, they're both brilliant. But, while Rory values the world of literature, Jess carries his intelligence on his back like a burden. Rory, mutable and therefore social, aims to make good impressions and prove herself to the institutions she joins. Jesse, cardinal and fiery, is ready to burn down every connection he has if it means he can set off on his own to make a new life for himself. He's charming but doesn't understand how feelings WORK. Plus, all the fighting, so much fighting! It's hard not to have a chip on your shoulder when ruled by the god of war.

Paris | Capricorn

Listen, either Paris is the Capricorn in this roundup or Emily is, and it's not an easy call. Here's what settles it for me: Paris loves rules. She loves traditions. She loves to be right, and she believes that she knows what's right 150 percent of the time. Paris, despite all her privilege, is not above working hard. She is willing to never sleep again if it means she gets to the top. When Paris has an affair with a professor approximately 40 years her senior and he dies suddenly, she is the one entrusted with taking care of all his literary affairs because, if you can trust a Capricorn to do anything, it's to take care of business no matter how much they're hurting.

Dean | Taurus

Dean takes up enough space on GG to be worth his own sign here although, to be honest, I'm a Dean-hater. Being a Dean-hater doesn't mean I'm a Taurus-hater. In fact, I love Taurus people, and so this is probably the nicest thing I can say about the guy. He was comfortable taking it slow with Rory because slow is the primary speed on the Taurus bike. He is dependable, loyal, and hard-working. He doesn't like change, doesn't really want to get out of his small town or change his general approach to life. Plus, he'd rather protect his pride than put up with Rory's bullshit. When his anger wire is tripped, he's a bull ready to charge—like that one time at the dance with Tristan.

Suki | Cancer

Suki is probably a Cancer; most people who work in restaurants and in the service industry are Cancers or have heavy Cancer placement, because Cancers love to work (they are cardinal signs) for people they consider family (Cancers are all about home-making). Cancers can easily convince themselves that the people they work for are their family and then exert themselves to the bone for their people. Enter Suki, who is almost never not working. Suki is passionate and creative and very sweet. She is also emotional, easily upset and easily moved. While Suki is a wonderful friend, always there when Lorelai is in trouble, she is also reticent to ever apologize for wrongdoing. The episodes leading up to the opening of the Dragonfly Inn are a nightmare; nothing is ever Suki's fault. Like many Cancers, Suki's sweetness trumps any of her missteps though.

Michel | Leo

Michel is mysterious to me because he's not a very fleshed-out character. He is, however, a constant character who is a mainstay in Lorelai's life. He is also the only re-occurring Black character on the show which makes his one-dimensional role all the more disappointing. Still, I can't help but think that Michel is a Leo. Not the kind of Leo that busts their way into the spotlight, no. Rather, the kind of Leo that naturally believes themselves to have better style and social skills than anyone else and is waiting until everyone gets the memo. Michel is the kind of Leo who resents doing work that is Beneath Him and would rather fawn over Celine Dion than run to Lorelai's aid. He's the kind of Leo who can dish it out but just can't take it, with an ego that gets bruised easily. He's the kind of Leo who is, archetypally, very good with children. Finally, despite all his disdain and pride, Michel demands to always be invited, always be included, and always be appreciated.

Emily | Libra

Yep, Lorelai's mom is the Libra of our Gilmore Zodiac. Sure, she could have been a Capricorn. In fact, she might be a Capricorn rising since she looks better in blazers than every single male character on this show. But, unlike most Capricorns, Emily cares a lot about what people think of her. Emily believes in rules, in class and class hierarchy, but she is a woman who is deeply invested in and affected by her relations. Emily needs the women of the DAR to respect her, to let her have the first cup of tea. Emily leaves Richard (who I decided to forego writing up but who is probably a Cancer) when all the social upkeep she does for him (the dinners, the thank you notes, the wardrobe) begin to go unappreciated. Emily, like all Libras, believes she knows what is RIGHT, and when she acts out of what she believes is "just" concern, she refuses to believe any other perspective is worth considering.

Logan | Sagittarius

Logan is probably Rory's cutest boyfriend. Or, maybe I just like how he calls her Ace and grows up to become a dashing lawyer on The Good Wife. Logan is smart, he can pick up and play with almost every reference Rory makes—which is truly an accomplishment. He's also hungry for experiences and ready to try anything once, which is how he convinces Rory to jump off a metal tower holding an umbrella, rigged to cord system that was assembled by a teenager. Logan thinks he wants to be casual with Rory, but he doesn't. He loves to play devil's advocate and is generally blunt to a fault. But, he's also affable and good-natured. It's a shame how money changes everything.

Chris | Pisces

Chris, Rory's father, is probably the most commonly-occurring Pisces on the show (although I must admit that Luke's sister is the MOST Pisces character that ever graced the show for an episode or two). Chris is the kind of Pisces guy who probably has a Leo rising or something, whatever sign is confident and commanding enough to cover up all of his wishy-washyness. Like most Pisces, it's not that Chris doesn't know what he wants, it's just that he wants it all. Chris is a mutable water sign, his emotions and ideas are easily swayed by whomever he cares about. Rory comes by and tells him not to call Lorelai? He stops calling Lorelai, no need to explain, no need to question the requests of his teenage daughter. Emily comes by and tells him to break up Luke and Lorelai? Yep, that sounds like a good idea to Chris too, who previously made no moves to do any such thing. Chris is also, unfortunately, the worst kind of Pisces dad, absent because he feels bad, as if his feelings are more important than his child.