All Your Burning Relationship Compatibility Questions, Answered

In both life and astrology, love is complicated. Your chart has multiple crisscrossing houses on the topic, yielding endless information on sex, romance, relationships, and marriage. You only need to know where to look. It’s not so simple as saying that Virgo is compatible with Pisces (though that’s often a good start!) — you have to take the whole mosaic into account.

Over years of astrology readings, I’ve had to field every sort of question, and be expected to provide an answer. Should I move to Tokyo with my boyfriend? Is this the year I’ll finally get pregnant? Should I hook up with my roommate? Most of the time, the answers aren’t cut-and-dry, but inevitably, the fundamental truths do win it. Some signs do have the potential to set off the best — and worst — in one another. There are some planetary placements that operate better in open relationships, and some that need to keep it shut.

Here are some of the most common questions I’ve covered over the years — in readings and out in the open. If you really want to understand the complexities of your romantic and relational makeup, I recommend a chart reading, or even studying synastry, the art of overlapping charts. But to get a grip on your crushes and obsessions, there’s no better place to turn to than the stars.

I've heard I should never date Scorpios or Geminis. Is there truth to this?

Only if you want to miss out on some of the best sex of your life. If you have a problem with the Geminis and Scorpios in your life, it says more about your hangups than their natures. Gemini is the truth-teller, blessed or cursed to say what everyone else is thinking, but would never dare speak out loud. Scorpio, meanwhile, is the engine of metamorphosis, the relationship that forces you to change for the better.

On the whole, contact with these signs will lead to confrontation, challenge, and often the sort of sex that shifts your sense of self and place. What vibration this takes is up to you. Do the Geminis you attract voice your worst doubts and neuroses, or are they speaking some greater possibility into reality? As always with Gemini: Don’t shoot the messenger. A Scorpionic relationship promises intensity as you meld into one another. But were you seeking a vampire to steal your future, or a partner to share in mutual awakening? It takes two to tango, and nobody can have your soul unless you sell it.

What should I look for in my partner’s chart to know if we’re compatible?

First, you want to make sure that you have your beloved’s consent before you peer into their private planetary details. With that covered, the rules of synastry dictate that you look at both charts as a whole. Yes, your sun signs can tell us a lot about your compatibility, as can your Venus and Mars placements, but we really want to see how things line up. Start with the ascendant and descendant, which concern self (first house) and relationships (seventh house). From here we understand how each of you perceives the world around you, and what you seek in others.

If your partner is a Scorpio rising, their Taurus descendant will speak to a need for stability and strength in a lover (and indicate that they’re probably a bottom). Meanwhile, if you're born with Gemini rising and Sagittarius on the descendant, you’re seeking adventure and a travel buddy. Now we really have something to work with. From there, you want to get a sense of where your respective planets line up — namely the moon (feelings), Mercury (communication), Venus (femininity), and Mars (masculinity) — to get a sense of how each of you reacts and what turns you on.

Are there certain signs that simply don’t work together?

Remember that you always want to take both you and your mate’s entire charts into consideration before writing anyone off, à la Madonna with David Guetta. That said, there are some pairings that regard one another as alien species. First, it’s going to be challenging to date someone with your same sun sign. For mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces), this can work well, as there’s a natural inclination to improvise and adjust. But without proper anchoring, it can feel like you’re drifting into entropy. As for the cardinal and fixed signs…oy. Can you imagine two Capricorns trying to have fun together? Or the agony of two Libras deciding on what to order, and who is paying? It’s just too much. You need something different to balance you out.

This will often be the case for signs directly adjacent to each other. There’s a “blind spot” aspect that can be frustrating here — they see something about you that is in the periphery of your consciousness. (But such friction can also be hot!) Some signs do exist in different realities. A Gemini and a Capricorn really experience the world differently, as do a Pisces and a Libra. I’d never say that they’re not well-suited to one another, because often the different perspectives can feed into fascinating dialogues.

As with all relationships, some shared delusions may prove to be the glue that holds it all together. From the outside looking in, any love affair between two water signs will come off codependent. And yet, that level of commitment often proves to weather any storm. Spend a car ride with your newlywed fire sign friends, and you’ll wonder how they can spend all day bickering. But that may be their love language. The key is just ensuring that the elements get balanced out. If you’re a Capricorn and your lover is a Virgo, it’ll be your Aries Venus, and their Libra Mars, which help you express yourselves in different ways, and break you out of the usual ruts.

Are there signs that do work better together?

Sure, you can think about complementary elements (water and earth, air and fire), but there are a few other pieces to keep in mind. If you consider the wheel of the zodiac, which signs are directly across from your sun — or, even better, your rising? Here is where we’ll often find the right complement, or even stimulant, for you. An Aquarius rising operates well with archetypes and aesthetics, especially when it comes to sex and gender. Give them a Leo or a Virgo, and they have someone with whom they can play dress up. Oppositions in astrology always lead to interesting relationships.

When aligned with a compatible sign, consider your relationship’s destiny. Perhaps, you’re a Capricorn pop vocalist, and you work best with your Cancer music producer. In the studio, sparks fly, and the work is all the better for it. But when it comes to love, your Capricorn sun is best suited to an independent Aries, and the Cancer goes home to a devoted Scorpio. There are multiple forms of compatibility. Consider which avenue you and the others in your life are meant to take together.

Do certain signs do well in open relationships?

If you have major planets in Gemini or Sagittarius, you’ll likely require ample space for variety and discovery. Pisces and Virgo can thrive in open situations, so long as they’re constantly negotiating the boundaries. (They may enjoy the discussion more than the actual sex.) For Scorpio, Cancer, and Aries, the risk of crushes developing — and insecurities taking over — can be dangerous. Taureans and Aquarius don’t like it when the game changes on them. Your Libra lover is down for anything, but they want to know that you’re just a little bit jealous.