On The List (With Melissa Rich): How To Lose A Guy At The Bar

Nothing can ruin a night out like a party crasher. There are unapproved invites, a shared location that leads to an unwanted drop in, and strangers trying to infiltrate the group. I’ve had my fair share of nights when the main storyline was trying to ditch an individual we simply could not shake. Whether it’s a bad date or a night at the club with your friends, you’ll need a way to gently reject someone — quickly.

Unfortunately, cutting someone loose is not always cut and dried; it’s a balancing act with potential hurt feelings while trying to have a good time. Fortunately, there are few nearly foolproof ways to make sure the hang is contained and curated. See the best ways to lose a hanger-on — from weird guys to acquaintances who can’t take a hint — below.

Impending Plans

When on a date or a hang that needs an expiration date, always have a hard out for something important. It can be your best friend’s birthday or work drinks across town; anything that you can sell as a serious commitment is grounds to get out of this situation. Then, it’s no surprise when you leave: It’s always been the plan!

An Inconvenient Second Location

Have you heard about the new club in Inwood at 207th Street? Love that spot. Creating the least desirable plan you can think of for the next move can help shake off creeps or help cull the group when there’s too many heads. Mention Midtown East and see how quickly people disperse. Make sure the travel time is equivalent to a short road trip — or at least multiple train transfers.

Ask “Interesting” Questions

Some people are so set on being rejected that if the chase actually ended, they wouldn’t know what to do. Being legitimately interested in them could be the way to get rid of them for good. Ask questions like “Have you ever felt real connection with your dad?” or “What was your first real tragedy?” to cut to the core and send them on an existential journey that will lead them away from you.

Get Creative

Sometimes a little harmless creativity is required to expedite the end of a boring date. Perhaps you and your girls are out looking for the fathers of your children. Mention ovulation. Time is of the essence! Turn this interaction into an interview for your mate for life with questions about family history and current tax bracket. Your eyes should be wide and frantic. Or fictionalize a recent infection: What could be oozing from where? The possibilities are endless.

Body Language

You may think crossing your arms or turning your back completely toward an unwanted party will solve your troubles, but that actually rarely works in practice. In addition to exploring power poses, be sure to get your crew on the same page — friends can quickly double as a bodyguard entourage. Plus, throwing a sneer on your face will also help get the message across.

Bring In The Authorities

If someone is being creepy, not accepting your boundaries, or simply activating your intuition in a negative way, tell someone. In the era of random punchings, you can never be too careful. Call over a bouncer. Give the bartender a heads up. Alert the media. Write a brief press release to the group chat complete with a picture you brazenly took. See if there’s a printer at the venue, print that picture, hang the copies… you get it.

Tell The Truth

When I find myself involved in a conversation I had no intention of joining with someone I no longer want to be speaking to, I usually end up blurting out something along the lines of “I hate this!” Honesty is often the best policy. If you are experiencing cerebral pain from mind-numbing discourse, say so. This feedback could be useful in both the short and long term.

Slip Away Into the Night

No explanation needed.