Actually, Drake Is A Total Cancer

I'm no astrologist, but if there's one sign in the zodiac that I know from the inside out, it's Cancer. This is mainly because I'm a Cancer, which makes me not only inclined to over-examine my life to the point of paranoia (yay!), but also allows me the ability to deeply analyze the lives of my loved ones, colleagues, and, sometimes, celebrities. And, over these past few weeks, my Cancerean bullshit meter has been reaching off-the-chart levels—not because it's currently Cancer season, but because of Drake's refusal to acknowledge that he is, in fact, not a Scorpio, but rather, a proud member of the #CrustaceanCommunity (yes, this is a thing.) 

It took me a few weeks to come to this conclusion, but I can now say, with confidence, that our beloved Six God has been posing as a Scorpio. Sure, he may have been born in October, and yeah, his new album, Scorpion, was probably named after his love for his sun sign, but quite frankly, that's bullshit. Like a true Cancer, Drake wears a mask, and he wears it well. 

For example, take Drake's decision to release Scorpion during Cancer season. Now, this choice could be seen as a more of a Scorpio (or even, BDE) move, but is it really? The average person might assume that Drake did this in an attempt to unleash some savage Scorpio energy all over the softness that is Cancer season, but that average person would be dead wrong. In fact, if you take a look at the buildup to the release of Scorpion, particularly, the music videos Drake released so far, you'll find that his music and visuals are actually teeming with the sort of tenderness that only a Cancer can express.

In the "God's Plan" video, Drake—instead of doing a cocky video à la "Worst Behavior" to match the song's lyrical content—ended up donating his entire music video budget ($996,631.90, to be exact) to help those in need. Not to mention, the song also featured the instantly iconic lyric, "I only love my bed and my momma, I'm sorry," which I can confirm, on behalf of Cancers everywhere, is a #Mood.

In Drake's "I'm Upset" video, Drake, instead of actually appearing upset, gave fans a much-needed dose of nostalgia, which is something Cancers are all about. In fact, even the way that Drake managed to put the video together was a Cancer power move.

If you recall, the video came out just two weeks after Pusha T revealed that Drake was hiding a secret child in his fiery diss track, "The Story of Adidon." During that period, the entire music world held its breath waiting for Drake's response, which, in the end, never came. Instead of responding in a petty Scorpio way, by releasing that "career-ending" diss track that he allegedly had ready to go against Pusha, Drake chose to drop the "I'm Upset" visual and charmed his way back into the public's arms. In case you need it spelled out for you, deflecting and avoiding confrontation are things that Cancers are notoriously good at (it also might as well be my middle name.)

There's also the matter of Drake's astrological chart, which allegedly includes a moon in Cancer. For you astrology newbies, a moon in any sign represents a person's emotions, moods, and feelings. 

Still not convinced? Go listen to Drake's Take Care and cry me a river.