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Bandmates, Brothers, Best Friends: Why I’ll Always Believe In The Magic Of Hanson

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The Objects of Our Obsession

We all had them, those all-consuming crushes that took over our teenage lives. In our series The Objects of Our Obsession, writers explore the deeper meanings behind those fixations, and pay tribute to the people who we found totally crush-worthy.

I was late to becoming a Fanson. My devotion started three years after “MMMBop”; I was 14 and discovered “If Only” on Total Request Live. It was a jubilant pop anthem to teenage longing, and the Hanson brothers seemed unlike any of the boys I knew in New York City. They were earnest, stalwart, and ready to settle down, according to their lyrics ("I want to need you, ‘cause I need to be with you till the end"). In the video, they grooved to a harmonica solo while the extras rode dirt bikes and sat around bonfires together. What was this beautiful Midwestern life? Who were these wholesome, forever-ready teenage boys? 

Taylor was the middle brother with rosy cheeks and shoulder-length golden hair. He sang lead, so he was the one who made the promises of unconditional love. I was smitten with Taylor, but my affection extended to Isaac and Zac, too, and the idea of the Hansons, collectively, as bandmates, brothers, best friends. I started to refer to them simply as “the boys.” 

I bought their tour documentaries on VHS (there were two by 1999), which I watched while riding the exercise bicycle in my living room after school. I chatted other Hanson fans on AIM and became a dues-paying member of the Hanson.net fan club. I dug deep into their discography, including the Christmas album, Snowed In, which solidified all my fantasies about how cheery life could be with the Hansons. I waited alone in line for hours for a wristband to see Hanson live for the first time. When my father joined me to pick up another wristband, so I could bring a friend, the security assumed he planned to scalp the ticket. He answered like a true Fanson: “Me? I want to see the boys.” I’d trained him well.

When Taylor became the first married Hanson at 18, I sobbed to my high school boyfriend—I’d lost my shot of winding up with Taylor and becoming a Hanson. The other brothers followed suit, as did a brood of Hanson babies, and I found myself tasked with transmogrifying my lust for the boys into something chaste, more respectable. The music helped. Hanson kept churning out the ecstatic, upbeat blue-eyed soul that was an antidote to the angst and mess of my own adolescence, and I remained faithful through all of high school and into college. 

I finally met Hanson days before my 21st birthday. My roommate worked for Yale Radio, and she arranged for me to join her for an interview. I sat inches away from the boys. They were smiley and kind; Taylor complimented my style. Afterward, a friend took pictures of me, eyes shut, balled fists, shaking with joy in my dorm room. I could finally say with certainty I’d been right to go to Yale. It had brought me to the boys.

After college, and 10 years, my fandom waned. I still got a thrill whenever Hanson released a new music video or album, but my attendance at tours became sporadic. I let my Hanson.net membership lapse. I never once made it to Back to the Island, the annual, all-inclusive Caribbean resort vacation for Fansons. Last year, a friend gifted me tickets to see Hanson the day of their show; I hadn’t realized they were in town.

My husband, who fell in love with me long after I fell in love with Hanson, sometimes reminds me of my old devotion. “Why don’t you put on some Hanson?” he’ll say, especially if I’m in a funk. The suggestion irritates me, and I resist. Emotions aren’t that simple! Life isn’t that straightforward! Hanson can’t solve everything! He puts on Hanson anyway, the albums from 2000 to 2007, the height of my obsession. Without fail, by the chorus, I am dancing in the kitchen, clapping my hands, and singing along. The boys are still magic, even if we’re all grown-up.

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Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube www.youtube.com

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FROM THE WORLD WIDE WEB
Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

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Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale youtu.be

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video) www.youtube.com

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Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.

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