A Tribute To Pisces, The Beautiful Exposed Nerve Of The Zodiac


They take everything personally

Okay, so, obviously, I don't really know what I'm talking about when it comes to astrology (see: here, here, and here), but that has never made me nervous when writing about Gemini or Capricorn or Aquarius, because I wasn't afraid that writing about these signs would lead to... intense text messages. Whereas now, with this piece, I'm pretty sure I'm about to get a bunch of messages from Pisceans questioning the many ways in which I've failed to capture the sign in all its fishy glory, and how, also, clearly, every word I wrote was directed at them, personally.

If you think I sound melodramatic right now, that I'm entirely overstating how sensitive a Pisces is, well, then you clearly don't know many Pisceans. But if you are nodding your head in agreement with everything I've just written, then you probably know at least one Pisces quite well, and have experienced firsthand their intense scrutiny regarding how you think about them. And if you are busy composing a text to me, asking what it is I'm talking about specifically, and how it pertains to our relationship, and why is it even a bad thing to take things personally, anyway, like you can't help it that you have feelings, the way a human should, and what am I, like, a robot or a sociopath or something?! Well, then, congratulations, because you are a Pisces. And, also, how did you get my number, because I try really hard to avoid giving it to anyone who's a Pisces because I've been burned before.

Does it sound like I'm being a little bit hard on Pisces? Like, maybe I'm not being fair to these intuitive, sensitive beings? It's possible that this is true! A Pisces would certainly think it's true. At least one (1) Pisces has probably even told me within the last 24 hours that I am being too hard on them. And this is probably not unfair, because I am a Gemini and I am a low-key psychopath, and the extra-sensitive nature of a Pisces brings that kind of thing out in me. It's like how when I was a kid, and I had a loose tooth, and I knew it would hurt for me to wiggle that tooth with my tongue and push it back and forth in my mouth, I still would do it. I would play with that exposed nerve ending even though I knew it hurt; I longed for that electric burning, the way it made my mouth taste like pennies. The point is, Pisces, you are as sensitive as an exposed nerve ending, and, to be honest, I kind of love you for it. Not least because it gives me a thrill to play with you.

Here is what I know about Pisces. Wait, actually, first, here is what Pisces knows about me: everything. Or, at least, they think they do. Or, actually, at least they feel they do. Because here is the thing with Pisces: They feel things. They feel things so strongly and so deeply that their feelings become facts to them. If a Pisces feels like something is true, then, in their minds it is true. Sometimes this can lead to incredible things. Nobody believes in themselves the way a Pisces does, and they tend to be true innovators in their fields. A Pisces is the imaginative icon of the zodiac, the one who moves the world forward into new and uncharted territory. Think: Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, Representative John Lewis, Frank Gehry, Kesha, and Rihanna. Visionaries, all of them.

But a Pisces isn't just any kind of visionary. In fact, it's because their eyes so often deceive them that they rely on intuition to guide them through the more complicated parts of existence—and a Pisces has no problem finding complications to navigate. Even where other people might find nothing but smooth waters, a Pisces will find tempests and storms. But that's okay with them, because a Pisces will use all that energy, which is hidden to most other people, and harness it in the service of something bigger. They will use it to create the kind of things that you never would have imagined you needed, but once you have them, you can't imagine living without them. A Pisces loves to make you things. It could be as simple as a cup of coffee, or it could be the mug from which you drink the coffee, or it could be an entire dining room table upon which to rest the mug which holds your coffee. A Pisces will do it all for you—and the only thing they ask for in return is a bottomless well of love.

To a Pisces, love is liquid. It fills up whatever space it's in. And as a fish, a Pisces breathes liquid; a Pisces breathes love. They are the true romantics in this world. They are the ones who know that love isn't a fiery thing, but that love is a wave. And a Pisces is comfortable under that wave, diving beneath its crash, gripping the ocean floor and waiting until it's time to come up for air. But a Pisces is also comfortable on top of that wave, riding it right to the shore and then turning right back around, ready to ride it again.

This is why, if a Pisces were a sport, a Pisces would be surfing. And if a Pisces were a body of water, a Pisces would be the ocean. If a Pisces were a bodily water, a Pisces would be spit. Or tears. Or blood. Or anything, really, because a Pisces is very rooted in the body, particularly in their feet. This makes sense because the feet are one of the most sensitive parts of the body. It also is why a Pisces, despite seeming like their head is in the clouds, knows how to balance. (Just think about Rihanna walking on sidewalk grates in stiletto heels, carrying a big glass of wine in her hands.) 

But what is balance to a Pisces? What is balance to a person who feels things in such an extreme way that they create their own storms around them wherever they go? It is simply this: For a Pisces, balance can be found when they are challenged to be their best selves. Most people are not up for challenging a Pisces. Most people will get frustrated by the dreaminess of a Pisces or the hyper-sensitivities of a Pisces or the manipulations of a Pisces and just shrug their shoulders and walk away. But these people are cowards and are missing out! Or, at least, that's what a Pisces will say to them as they walk away. Also, though, that's what I'm saying to them too. A Pisces, I think, is worth the trouble. Like, holy shit, it is so much trouble sometimes, but a Pisces is worth it, because a Pisces is a beautiful pain to have.

Think of a Pisces as being like a prime number, as being the number 19. There is none of the easy beauty of one of those numbers that have tons of ways of being divided. Instead, the beauty is thornier; it has spikes. (If a Pisces were a flower, it would bloom out of a cactus; if a Pisces were an area in a national park, it would be the Cholla Cactus Garden in Joshua Tree, just as the sun sets and makes the whole place glow with the shining infinite colors of holographic laminate.) 

A Pisces has hard edges, a Pisces is a metal pentagon; a Pisces is strong, and cannot be divided against itself. This can be difficult to deal with, the way a Pisces is so unyielding. A Pisces likes to think that they are just looking for a way to finally surrender, a place where they can feel comfortable enough to give in to their many psychic wounds, but a Pisces will be looking for that place forever and never find it in anyone else. Because the truth is that a Pisces gets so wrapped up in the externalities of the world, that they so often fail to fully appreciate their own strength and the way they can be a refuge for others, yes, but also for themselves.

All of this is to say, a Pisces shouldn't be looking for answers to who they are in something they read on the internet (especially not when it's written by a Gemini). Because a Pisces should already know who they are, or at least be able to feel who they are. And they should feel that whoever they are is all that they need to be. And so a Pisces should maybe just cut out the drama and ask someone they love and who loves them for a good foot massage and to accompany them on a midnight swim and, like, get away from the computer for a little while. It can't tell them anything they don't already know.

Photo by Imani Givertz

Premiering today via NYLON

Small Talks, aka Cayley Spivey, has come a long way since starting a band, then becoming the entire band herself and forging her own fan base from the ground up. On her recent album A Conversation Between Us, she began to unpack any lingering baggage with one particular song: "Teeth." Today, she premieres the accompanying music video exclusively via NYLON.

"'Teeth' is about my personal battle with letting go of the past," Spivey tells NYLON, admitting that it's easily her favorite song off of A Conversation Between Us.

Watch the video for "Teeth" below.

Small Talks - Teeth (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Photos by Joe Maher/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Must have been pretty awkward

Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner were guests on the U.K.'s The Graham Norton Show together, which must have been awkward for Turner's husband, Joe Jonas, seeing as he also happens to be Swift's ex. I wonder if his name came up?

The interview doesn't come out until Friday night, but promotional photos show the two sharing a couch. Swift is making an appearance to perform her new single, "ME!" while Turner is promoting her new film, X- Men: Dark Phoenix. But it seems necessary for the two to be asked about Jonas.

Swift was just on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, where she brought up the fact that she felt bad for putting Jonas "on blast" on DeGeneres' show back in 2008 by telling the audience that he broke up with her in a record-setting short phone call. But, according to Swift, she and Jonas are chill now, since it happened pretty long ago, which means she's probably already hung out with Turner and maybe even gossiped about him with her.

We can only hope that they get the chance to spill some tea on television.

Screenshot via YouTube, Photo Courtesy of HBO

"That's! His! Auntie!"

Leslie Jones has rewatched the Game of Thrones finale with a beer in hand, Seth Meyers at her side, and a full camera crew ready to take in all her glorious reactions. Spoilers ahead, but, if you haven't watched last week's episode already, that's kind of on you at this point.

When Jon Snow started to make out with Daenerys, also known as his aunt, only to stab her through the chest moments later, it was emotional whiplash for everyone watching. And, Jones' reactions—both from her first and second viewing—sum it all perfectly.

"That's! His! Auntie! [gagging noises]," Jones says before making an aside about calling the police if her uncle ever tried to do the same. But then the knife goes in, and Jones screams. "Did you see that?!" Jones asks, "Yeah bitch, that's a knife in you." Meyers points out the funniest part of all: "Why are you so upset about someone kissing their aunt but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?" Jones replies, "Because that bitch needed to go," and, well, same.

Other highlights from the comedians' rewatch include comparing Dany's victory speech to a bad improv gig, predicting that their dogs would have less of a reaction to their deaths than Drogon did to his mother's, and more.

Watch all of Jones' reactions from this Late Night clip below.

Game of Jones: Leslie Jones and Seth Watch Game of Thrones' Series Finale

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These lyrics are a lot

Robbie Tripp, aka Curvy Wife Guy, is back with a music video, titled "Chubby Sexy," starring his wife and a trio of models. In it, Tripp raps about his bold choice to find women with an average body size attractive.

The video begins with a series of statements laid over some pool water: "Curves are the new high fashion," "Chubby is the new sexy," "We Out Here." Tripp posits that these queens deserve an anthem, which they do. What they do not deserve is this Cursed Song. As he lists all the names he knows to call them by (thick, thicc, and BBW), one model (who I really, really hope was paid well) squirts some lotion down her cleavage, and Tripp begins dancing.

"My girl chubby sexy/ Call her bonita gordita," Tripp states in his chorus, before going on to compare "big booty meat" to the peach emoji. Another thing he mentions is that his wife can't find a belt that fits her waist, and that's why he calls her James and the Giant Peach. He then tries to dab. Here are some of the other Cursed highlights from his, uh, verses:

Got those Khaleesi curves/ Knows how to dragon slay
She like a dude that's woke/ We like a girl that's weighty
Some say a chubby girl that's risky/ But they ain't met a curvy girl that's frisky
Imma dunk that donk like I'm Andrew Wiggins.
Thick like an Amazon/ Built like Big Ben.

Tripp says one thing in the video that I couldn't agree more with: "She don't need a man." No, she does not. Please run. If you must, watch the entire video, below. Or send it to your nemesis!

Robbie Tripp - Chubby Sexy (Official Music Video)

Photo by Emma McIntyre / Getty Images.

See the promo here

It was bound to happen. The Kadashians and Jenners have committed themselves to letting the cameras roll on their lives, for better or for worse. So if you thought that the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson cheating scandal was off limits, you thought wrong. The trailer for Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was just released, and it involves the famous family working through the fallout of what happened when Woods went to a party at Thompson's house.

The teaser includes the infamous clip of Khloé Kardashian screaming "LIAAAARRRRRR." It's still not explicitly clear who prompted that strong response. She could be responding to Thompson, who clearly isn't always honest. Or she could be reacting to Woods account of the events on Red Table Talk. But the most revealing moment comes when we see Kylie Jenner—who was Woods' best friend before all of this happened—react for the first time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation, momager Kris Jenner says, "For you and Jordyn, it's like a divorce." Kylie only offers this in response: "She fucked up." Based on Woods' version of events—which I'm inclined to believeThompson is the one who fucked up. Still, I'm hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the two longtime friends. Perhaps we'll have to wait until next season for that.

Check out the promo video below.