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A Tribute To Sagittarius, The Fun-Loving, Unapologetic Freak Of The Zodiac

Life

Why apologize for being (mostly) perfect?

In 2005, following her highly publicized divorce with Brad Pitt, actress (and Aquarius) Jennifer Aniston gave an interview with Vanity Fair, in which she talked a bit about her ex-husband, and specifically cited a controversial photo shoot he did with ur-Gemini Angelina Jolie—over whom, it was widely assumed, Pitt and Aniston had broken up.

The photo shoot in question was a 60-page spread in W, in which Pitt and Jolie were depicted enjoying domestic bliss, complete with mini-versions of themselves running around their suburban paradise. It was... a very Gemini move. Très Jolie, you might say. But Pitt? He's no Gem. So what's his problem?

I'll let Aniston explain: "Brad is not mean-spirited; he would never intentionally try to rub something in my face. In hindsight, I can see him going, 'Oh—I can see that that was inconsiderate.' But I know Brad. Brad would say, 'That's art!'... There's a sensitivity chip that's missing." In other words, he's a Sagittarius.

A Sagittarius is often described as being blunt and vibrant, wild and liberated. They're independent and fun-loving and confident, but also, yeah, they're often missing sensitivity chips. They do things that leave you wondering, Why did they ever think that was a good idea to do? Do they not think about anything other than themselves? And then after you ask that question, you realize you already know the answer and... well, it's not what you'd like it to be.

Sometimes, doing whatever they want and what feels good to them in the moment without giving a literal second's thought as to how it will affect someone else means that they shoot a fashion spread like Pitt did, or, oh, I don't know, agree to play a trans person in a film, even though, they, themselves, are not trans, and then when they're questioned about it, send out a snarky defense of their actions. (Hi, Scarlett.) Or maybe they not only start a feud with a beloved Libra but also just refuse to let it drop no matter how clear it is that public opinion is against them and also that they're in the wrong. (Nicki, what's good.)

A Sagittarius, then, loves drama because it lets them feel things, and they love to feel things, and so they are always unapologetic about the drama they create, and genuinely think we should probably be grateful for them for creating all this drama, because where would our lives be without their drama? Who knows, but it would probably be boring.

Here's a list of famous Sagittarians, all of whom have never apologized for anything ever (nor do they think they should have to): Miley Cyrus. Britney Spears. Jay Z. Taylor Swift. DJ Khaled. Sarah Silverman. Jonah Hill. Jon Stewart. Jim Morrison. Jimi Hendrix. Mayim Bialik—who should really apologize because being an anti-vaxxer is really bad.

There are some Sagittarians who take that whole "I'm never going to apologize because I've never done anything wrong" even farther than Johansson (ahem, Woody Allen, Chris Hardwick, and, uh, Ted Bundy), but honestly, for the most part, it's a Sagittarian's disarming ownership of every hard truth they espouse that makes them so totally charming (see: glorious human and Sagittarius Chrissy Teigen). It also makes them capable of burning you like you've never been burned before, even when that particular Sagittarius otherwise presents as a totally lovable, adorable puppy of a person.

Because that's the thing with a Sagittarius: They often present as being incredibly sweet and well-meaning and content with just being content. They like to be happy! They like to like things! They love to love things! Just let them do what they want, and everything will be just fine. Sure, maybe that will involve a spontaneous Vegas wedding, but, you know, annulments were invented for a reason! (Does anyone else remember Britney's marriage to Jason Alexander? No, not that one, the other Jason Alexander.)

A Sagittarius reserves their right to change their mind about anything, and at any time. They love to reinvent themselves, but they can never really stop being themselves. A Sagittarius sort of seems like a chameleon (like how Pitt always looks like his girlfriends), but, really, it's still always them. They're a mutable sign, but their essence is immutable. That's why one of the greatest actresses alive right now—Julianne Moore, obviously—is a Sagittarius queen: She can disappear into any role, but it's always her. And you want it to be her! Because she's perfect.

And so are all Sagittarians, in their own way. It's definitely the sign about which you're most likely to say, "Never change." And not even because you don't want that person to be any different, it's also because you know they can't be any different. They have to be themselves. Yes, sometimes that leads to a death toll of millions (you know, Joseph Stalin really did actually have a lot to apologize for), and other times it leads to really questionable defenses of sexual abusers (hey, Sarah Silverman), but other times it leads to things of unadulterated beauty, things that can only be created by a Sagittarius because of how pure and unfiltered they are, things like Britney Spears' Instagram. What a delight. Never change, Britney. Never change.

Photo courtesy of Balenciaga / Photo via @McDonaldsSverige Instagram

I'm cackling

Last year, Balenciaga released bright red square-toed mules which bore a striking resemblance to McDonald's french fry cartons. Now, the chain has fired back at the designer, threatening to release its own version of the shoes.

McDonald's Sweden posted a photo to its Instagram of a person wearing actual McDonald's fry cartons as shoes, and honestly, if there weren't yellow M's printed onto them, I'd have a hard time distinguishing them from the Balenciagas from a distance. Though the post doesn't directly reference the Balenciaga shoes, one can only assume that's who they are trolling.

McDonald's version actually makes for some pretty fly slip-ons, if you ask me. Good thing the Swedish branch of Mickey D's seems to be considering releasing the shoes if the post receives enough attention. The caption of the Instagram post translates to, "If we get 103042 likes we release these for real," though it only has about 17,000 as of publish time. These would likely cost much less than the Balenciaga shoes, which cost $545.

Internet, do your thing. I want a pair.

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FROM THE WORLD WIDE WEB

Photo by Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images.

It marks her third duet with Nas

Here are some words that I never expected to read or hear again: There is a new song with Amy Winehouse. But here we are in 2019, and Salaam Remi has granted me a wish. On Valentine's Day, the Grammy-nominated producer and frequent Winehouse collaborator (also responsible for hits like Miguel's "Come Through & Chill") released "Find My Love" which features rapper Nas and that powerful and haunting voice that I have come to love and cherish so dearly.

Representatives for Remi said that the Winehouse vocals were from an old jam session the two had. Remi was a producer on both of Winehouse's albums, Frank and Back to Black. "Find My Love" marks the third time Winehouse and Nas have done duets under the direction of Remi. They were previously heard together on "Like Smoke," a single from her 2011 posthumous album Amy Winehouse Lioness: Hidden Treasures, and "Cherry Wine" from Nas' 2012 album Life Is Good. Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning on July 23, 2011, before they could complete production on her third album. My heart is still broken about it as she is by far my favorite artist.

"Find My Love" is set to appear on Remi's Do It for the Culture 2, a collection of songs curated by him. Check it out, below.

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